The Job Search Codified

           

            Ahh, it’s that time once again. Time to brush the dust off the old resume and start pounding the pavement, shaking hands and smiling my best smile all in the hopes that I can earn a living like a typical adult.

            But it’s really none of that stuff anymore, is it? You don’t have the luxury of meeting someone (anyone?) face-to-face in order to show off your personality. You have the luxury of “saving time” (or saving someone time) by doing everything via the modern personal computer (Hold applause, no really).  

            Thanks to the advent of the internet, I’ll edit my resume electronically. All the while keeping a keen eye peeled to make sure my key words match their those used in the job description at a rate of 80% or more. From there, before I even meet a prospective hiring manager, I will answer a 100 question “personality test” that basically gauges whether or not I’m a sociopath, likely to steal office supplies, or generally be an unproductive waste of space once hired. And in my favorite part of the process, I’ll get to upload my resume and then on the very next screen, fill in each section of my resume in overly complex little boxes that require the most minute details. If I miss anything, or have any typos, I get to see that glowing red box of idiocy if formatted even the slightest bit outside the website’s parameters.

            I can chose to check boxes that tell a company my ethnicity, military and disability status, or I can keep it a secret. Because maybe I’m afraid I’m too Caucasian, or not Caucasian enough (Just what the in the blue hell is “Caucasian” anyway)?

            Luckily, if I don’t get the job, I’ll get that important hope-crushing email that proudly declares “We have decided to pursue other candidates”. Worse yet, I may never hear anything...ever. In fact, I am still waiting on that mortgage broker gig from 2001.

            Speaking of that, how many high quality candidates, hard working folks, are lost in the information algorithm that is the online job hunt? Do you feel like you’ve missed out on jobs, careers even, because you checked the “wrong” answer in response to a question? Or simply the computer program couldn’t exactly reconcile your qualifications with that of the position you were applying for? I know I often do.

            It has been said that looking for a job is in effect a full time job. And often times it does feel like a full time job, minus the pay, human interaction, and personal sense of satisfaction or accomplishment.