It was asked of me recently by
several people, “David you’re an expert on relationships; how do you find
closure when a relationship reaches its end?”
Ok
well that’s not exactly true. It was more like; “David you’ve screwed up a lot
of relationships, how do you find closure?” Oh, and it was just one person that
asked me.
Alright-alright,
it was one person that asked a totally different person, but I wanted to write
about it so here we are!
At
any rate, I’ve given this a lot of thought and I’ve come up with a few things
that might help those coming out of a long-term significant romantic relationship.
Oh, and I might mention that this list is not for those that were “in the right”
up to the terminus of the association. Quite to the contrary, I believe about
writing what I know, and therefore this list is for the ones that, as some
country songs like to say, “done wrong”, and not those that “got done wrong”. Besides
you Goody two-shoes have your moral high ground to revel in, and aren’t in need
of any guidance.
The
below worked for me, maybe grudgingly, (and not perfectly every step of the way)
but because of these steps, or loose rules I’ve personally made some progress
over the years.* Ɨ
Enjoy!
1)
Try to pinpoint the “why”
The first and maybe most important thing I could offer is sit down and
think why is it you still can’t let go of this person? Often times it’s because
people have a tendency to create a mental highlight reel of a relationship when
it wasn’t really all handstands on the beach, intense orgasms in Mexican
restaurants and chimichangas in bed (I may
have mixed some of these up, but then again maybe not). We do this because
the mind “wants” that person back. However, when you get down to the brass
tacks of it, you may find that you don’t want that person at all. You want the
feeling you had when you were with them (love, security, confidence, hope). Or
worse yet, you want them back because you don’t want to go down in the history books
as the bad guy, or bad girl. Deep down you may think getting a second chance
would solve everything. Trust me, it won’t they are your ex for a distinct
reason, or perhaps several.
2)
Forgiveness isn’t promised
Don’t be surprised if your ex holds a grudge. If you wronged that person,
or even if there is a perception of wrongdoing, they may not be so quick to
tell you those words you may desperately want to hear. Guess what though; the
trick is accepting that the most important forgiveness you can receive is your
own. You need permission from yourself to say, “I made a mistake, I was wrong,
it happens, but it’s not the end of the world.” I know that sounds trite, but
that doesn’t make it any less helpful. Further,
as time passes don’t expect your ex to acknowledge your individual progress,
and don’t engage in self-improvement to secretly win back their affection, or
subversively rub it in their face. Chances are they don’t care, and it’s not
about them, it about bettering yourself. You need not involve the other party in your closure. Own it.
3)
You can’t change the past
Whether you have begged forgiveness and fallen on the proverbial sword,
or you cannot fathom what you did to give offense to your ex partner, it is
what it is. You can’t change what has already taken place. Let the past stay
buried.
4)
Learn a Lesson
After all this introspection hopefully you have some lesson, no matter
how large or small to take away from the relationship. Maybe you were too good
in bed; too devoted, overly beautiful (these
are probably not true by the way). Whatever, the reason, that’s your takeaway.
Now you can go and work on it, correct it, so you don’t make the same mistake
in your next relationship. And yes, though it may be hard to believe now, there
will be a next relationship.
5)
Come to Terms
There
are people in this world that aren’t meant to be together. There are people
that fall out of love. Every. Damn. Day. The best thing you can do for yourself
after healing is to take a step closer to finding the person who is destined
for you, rather than pining over the one that’s not.
*Note:
David IWriteStuff is NOT a licensed therapist, certified on any medical board
and has trouble doing rudimentary math equations. You follow and/or apply the
above list at your own risk.
Ɨ
Side effects may include, but are not limited to the following:
o
being happy
o
being
unhappy
o
breast
tenderness or enlargement or unusual secretion of milk (in females)
o
cold
sweats
o
convulsions
o
diarrhea
o
difficulty
concentrating (also a side effect of reading blogs)
o
drowsiness
o
drunkenness
(also a side effect of writing blogs)
o
growth of
a third eye
o
increased
hunger
o
increased
thirst
o
making bulleted lists
o
overactive
reflexes
o
painful
urination
o
penis enlargement
(in males)
o
pleasurable
urination
o
pointing
out the flaws in others
o
polka dots
on the skin
o
polka
dancing
o
vertigo
o
spontaneous
combustion
o
sweating
in places without sweat glands
o
talking or
acting with excitement you cannot control
