“We all want to
watch this place burn. The only difference is some of us don’t mind being in it
when it happens.”
Two slivers of moonlight cut across Timofei’s face and chest. It
gave him a look that was both cold, and pale.
“You mustn’t speak of these things; they will hear you when they
check on us.” I said.
“Dimitri, you have been
here a long time, no?”
I nodded.
“How many times have they checked on us at night?”
I thought hard, but nothing came to mind, so I shrugged.
“We could be ash in an hour, and no one would know until sun up.”
Timofei’s face held no pleasure, rather only a ghostly pallor.
I had heard much the same from him on many nights in this place.
An urgent whisper from Yulian in a neighboring bed cut us off.
“Will you two idiots shut up? Its lights
out- go to sleep. If you must talk of such horrors do it in your nightmares.”
I often thought, without saying it, Timofei likely did.
*
The morning brought the orderlies, nursing staff, and foods that
were nearly as likely to make you ill as they were to nourish. Timofei cared
for none of them.
“I heard once that Orderly Reznov killed a patient by overfeeding
her.”
“With this swill that probably didn’t take long.” Yulian cackled
uncontrollably.
“Stop acting like a madman Yulian.” I wiped my nose; it was always
running these days. “You’ll raise the ire of the orderlies.”
“Madman? Dimitri, in
here I think it’s perfectly apt to just say ‘man’. Safe wager, no one cares to
figure the difference, if there is one.”
“Free thinking.” I offered, not really sure what I was saying.
Timofei now laughed, joining in Yulian’s raucous. “How’s that?”
I sniffled, “The sane man thinks within lines. That’s why folks
say ‘Think outside the box’. It means to think as if you are mad.”
Timofei stopped laughing, and instead apologized. “Prastite, it’s hard for me to believe
you, but that sounds true.”
An orderly- not the one that had supposedly force fed a patient-
strolled by. Blank eyes buried in a stone face, he stared without speaking.
Timofei nodded and smiled. When the orderly had passed, Timofei mimed several
inappropriate hand gestures. Yulian laughed hard enough to fall out of his
chair, and did.
The orderly only turned, judged him as nuts, and kept walking.
*
At noon time, we ate lunch and everything, including the stale
food, went down as usual. Except Yulian had a rather loud and unpleasant
laughing fit and choked a bit on his bread sandwich. An orderly had to carry
him to the infirmary, with a nurse in tow.
“What do you suppose that was about?”
“I couldn’t be sure,” Timofei declared, “but the man is crazy we
shouldn’t judge too harshly.”
“Good advice,” I concluded.
“Say Dimitri, why is it you’ve never tried to get out of here?”
“Hey now, that’s enough of that!” I was startled at the question. “Save
it for lights out!” I whispered.
“Good advice,” Timofei concluded.
*
That evening, when they were distributing our medicines, my nose
ran profusely. I began to cough; my chest seemed filled with thick wet rags. I
looked for Timofei, but for once he wasn’t there in my ear, telling me how bad
we had it. Ironically, I didn’t need him to anymore. The only one I saw was a
frail nurse that looked older than the ramshackle hospital itself. It was the
first time I noticed that the staff’s uniforms were really not that much better
than the issued cassock given to my brothers. Both were cheaply made, and even
though as a patient I was rarely issued time or supplies to wash, the nurse and
I shared many a similar stain.
This nurse had heard my hacking, and searched on her tray for the
fitting medication. Though I was
convinced the pills she handed me in that tiny cup were of no good use.
I thanked her by smiling. Though it lacked words, I was certain to
get my point across, for no one in these walls had seen a smile strain a face,
save for Yulian.
I wished to think about this, but coughing overtook me once more.
*
When the moon had risen and all were quiet I tried to seek sleep.
It came with difficulty after much examination of the empty steel framed bed
next to mine. Neither Timofei nor Yulian had made it back to the bunks. Through
muddled sleep I heard a disturbance, what I thought might be Timofei slipping
silently into his bed.
This was quite uncommon as most of the other patients were locked
in here, heavily sedated (or even strapped down) in order to escape (or be
protected from) the perils of their own mind, though forbidden to escape much
else.
Talking into the night, “Infirmary treat you well?”
No sound was returned, I spoke anyway. “Aye, you can tell me
tomorrow then, good night to you.”
Waiting, I heard only the twang of rusty bed springs, and someone
else’s violent coughing in the corner of the room.
I hadn’t given up on Timofei; but the room’s cold had gotten
through my blanket. Curling up, I rolled
over to better guard my warmth.
*
With the sun came coughing that rattled my ribs, and caused my bed
to squeak on its frame as if I wasn’t the only one in it. Several of the more
concerned patients had asked that I do them a favor and die, so as not to
disturb their sleep.
Soon after my breath caught up to me I glanced at Timofei’s cot. All
I knew was he wasn’t there waking up with the rest of us pour souls.
The warmth and thickness of the coffee seemed to help my chest
cold, so I gave up my breakfast of kasha
to a man who was willing to part with his coffee in trade.
Finishing my second cup, I stared out at the countryside. A modest
village dotted a small valley. Laborers made their way through the streets.
None looked up, for the sun was not with them this day. I however looked at the
sky. Though filled with moldering grey clouds it was at least outside. Trying
to imagine what the outdoor air smelled like, and was not surprised when I
discovered I couldn’t.
*
During the medicative portion of our day, the nurse I had met the
day prior was making the rounds yet again. Yesterday she had seemed tired, and
defeated. Today was no different, but
she bore a smile that she hadn’t carried the previous day.
She approached, when I wasn’t coughing, so again I was able to
smile. “Take these, they will help you dream.”
*
She hadn’t lied. That night I still didn’t see Timofei in his
bunk, though I saw him in my dream. He
looked well. Healthy and lively both, he was doing something I had never caught
him doing previously; grinning.
Timofei approached me in the main hall, right in front of the
staff lounge. My eyes traveled from the
whole of him to what he held in his hand. As soon as I noticed it, Timofei’s
hand extended towards me.
In it was a match. That wasn’t however what attracted my attention;
it was the fire that burned in his eyes. The windows to Timofei’s soul were shining
back, the flames licking and flickering inside his eyes.
*
My sleep had given way to chaos. Smoke filled my nostrils as I
woke. Upon my face, thick soot quickly turned my tears to mud. The sleeping
quarters were hot, and I panicked as I tried to swallow the burning air. The
length of the room only contained faint outlines of bed frames and oddly
tranquil heaps that were undoubtedly men.
Using the wall as a guide, I was able to crouch and feel my way out.
As I struggled for breath, the taste of meat roasting tempted me to gag
further. The absence of screams served to make the scene all the more
agonizing. I succumbed to the realization that I was surrounded by the dead or
dying. Men lucky enough to be rendered unconscious by medications that were
designed to make them docile, to induce sleep and set at ease the demons that
haunted their minds.
I had not considered the idea
that they had went peacefully into the next world.
Staggering down the staircase I
got some relief when I noticed the smoke had hardly kept pace with me. The
ground floor felt like a meat locker by comparison. Having only been required
to descend one floor I couldn’t help but think of the patients on the third.
The much cooler air was a shock
to my lungs and as a result, I staggered when a coughing fit ceased my escape. My
eyes were clenched shut; they burned with the slurry of caked ash and parched
tears. Before I knew it, my legs had buckled and I was kneeling in defeat on
the floor.
A hand landed gently on my
shoulder. I turned, fully expecting to see Timofei through squinted sight.
Instead I saw an orderly in a singed uniform. He offered me another hand which
I took, enabling him to hoist me off the floor.
Together we maneuvered past the
living area, multi-purpose rooms and were on our way to the front entrance.
Carefully, we avoided points of the ceiling that looked to be nearly burned
through, or those that sagged with the weight of a yet un-charred floor from
above.
Somewhere a cry for Spasite found its way to my ears. It was quickly followed by a series of rapid
snaps and the finality of human bodies missing the hedges and hitting the
grounds below.
It was mere seconds after that the bellowing of the fire drowned
out any other appeals for hope.
As the orderly and I burst through the front door, I expected to
see fire fighters readying their equipment. Alas, there was no such scenery.
There was only the moonlight and firelight behind me bathing the silent hills
that led into the village ahead.
Calls of Požar! lit up
the night with a favorable noise. Some villagers had made their way to us with
buckets of well water, drawn themselves and then carried for at least a
kilometer. Stymied, they were halted by a fire that had gone beyond control.
They stared at its molten appetite. One hundred year old walls demolished by the
devil’s breath, or simply devoured by orange shimmering teeth. They continued
to watch, seeing now that their buckets- now half empty from a hurried journey-
were as effective as spitting into the flame.
The night air reminded my body of its urgent need to cough, and I
was wracked once more. In the midst of my fit, I did see the front wall
collapse in an extreme jetsam of crumpled wood. The rosy glow of the fire and
moon hinted at charred steel bed frames and the troubled people I had once known.
Rubbing the acrid searing in my chest, I longed to slumber as they
did in Hospital 17.
