“Thanks for calling honey, it’s
good to hear from you.”
June, her gold-blonde curls defying
her age, sat smoking a cigarette in her kitchen. A cell phone balanced loosely between
her ear and palm. She’s shaking mildly, and her eyes are red and swollen.
“Well, I told him we were going to
see Grandma Hale because he thinks she’s still in the hospital,” the woman
sniffs back a sob, “He was angry with me that I woke him up. But instead of
telling me something, he just stared at me, his eyes going all blank… he couldn’t
even tell that the coffee was too hot, or let me know that he had burnt his
tongue.” This time June couldn’t help herself, the tears came.
“Sorry honey. Yes I’m ok, in fact I
probably need to get it off my chest. No, on the car ride he was just as
distant, only a blank stare out the window. Although, the off and on spark in
his eye, gave away the fact that I think deep down he knew we weren’t going to
St. Joseph’s.”
“And as silly as it sounds I took Abbey
along so he could say goodbye. Oh no, I think she knew, she was whining the
whole way there, and you should’ve seen her once we got to the room!”
“No I just couldn’t bear to stay. The
attending physician said that with his condition he would probably benefit from
a clean break, he would adjust more quickly without my hovering over him.”
“Yes, I’ll visit him on Wednesday, I
guess they recommended a transition period of at least 72 hours. I just hope
the adjustment is a smooth one. I pray he isn’t lonely or scared. Oh, and I
found the strangest thing yesterday when I was cleaning the spare room-” June
laughed, and the miserable strain on her face lifted for just a brief moment. “Yes,
okay your room. Anyway, your father must’ve
been hoarding his drawings in there for who knows how long. Tucked away in one
of the computer desk drawers were dozens of scribbles of orange and white stick
figures of elephants. I don’t know why he would’ve been fixated on such a
thing.”
June paused to let out a sigh
before beginning to speak again.
“You know what I find myself
wondering most of all?” The daughter on the opposite end of the phone caught
the sadness in her mother’s voice. She remained quiet, only listening, knowing
her mother needed to let it out, all of it. June’s voice audibly cracked from
the emotional strain, but the words were genuine, and she forced herself to see
them through. “I wonder, when he slips away, and his eyes get that glassy
distance in them, what he sees when he no longer sees me?”
