Some of you may recall that I have recently left a cushy job
where I was able to work at home, for an exorbitant amount of money, where I could
do whatever I wanted and had little to no responsibility, cares or worries and even less human contact.
Ok,
well not all of that is true, but the main thing is that you understand is that
after almost five years of working from home (Ya know- pj’s in front of the
computer and waking up 5 minutes before my shift started) I recently have
rejoined the workforce and am now working back in the typical office
environment once more. It’s with that that I have come up with a few
observations about office life that seem (or still seem) to ring true.
Here they be, hope you enjoy:
- Everyone saves the most horrendous smelling dishes in order to reheat them at work.
- The people that talk about their personal lives the most really shouldn’t.
- Unless you are a supervisor (or some reasonable approximation thereof), you shouldn’t be telling people how to do their job. Seriously, people hate that, you could get hurt. Badly.
- I firmly believe that every time someone decorates a cubicle a baby seal is clubbed to death in front of her cubs. You were put on this planet to change the world, not staple colorful Happy Birthday banners to felt over modular laminate. You’re better than that.
- Never be in too big of a hurry to say ‘Good Morning’ to those you work with most closely. This small act pays dividends, especially if you throw in a smile. Oh wait –sorry- I meant “bring Starbucks for everyone”. And you can skip the smile, now gimme my caramel frap coffee slave!
- No one cares what you did over the weekend, especially if was more exciting, interesting, high brow or in any way better than what they did.
- Imagine the most fun you could have at your job. Now multiply it by seven Cuervo margaritas, boom you have Happy Hour.
- Everyone and I mean everyone in the office is either: racist, sexist, elitist or a combination of all three. Just wait for it.
- A single layer below all the polite formalities and professional bluster lays more gossip than the latest issue of In Touch magazine.
- The so-called “obesity epidemic” may have begun with fast food, but it ends at the office pot luck and donut Fridays.
