Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Losing to Yourself (Finding Who You Are)


Make Believe Press - TUCSON, AZ

By: I.M. Afigment

It’s an all too common occurrence in American sports: An iconic athlete has a bad fight, botches an important game, or becomes stagnant. Almost immediately detractors call for them to throw in the towel. Cases are made for why these once consistent, resourceful and talented individuals should consider retirement. Possibly its age, perhaps it’s mental, or maybe it’s the fact that they have nothing left to achieve within their respective field.

Before seeking out Doc for his take on Saturday’s race, I weighed these options as he might’ve. And although I expected a lot of potential reactions from the often ornery figure, his words left even me surprised.

(IMA): “Doc, your take on your race day performance?”

(DS): “The word subpar comes to mind.”

My last interview with Doc leading up to the race, he was focused- hardened eyes behind his usual bravado. Now the man had seemingly shrunk. As I looked at him I began to wonder if humility ran small.

 (IMA): “Looking back, after seeing how heavily David was favored, was it a mistake to challenge him?”

(DS): “No, the depth of the challenge isn’t what beat me.”

(IMA): “What was it then? What led to your defeat?”

(DS): “I could take this question as a grand opportunity to throw out excuses… I got sick during the race, I had the flu three days beforehand, I worked too many hours during my first month of training, I fell off my diet because of family being in town. However, I won’t do that. The fact is I not only ran what now stands as my worst race, I also achieved a new low: For the first time ever in my running career, I failed to improve. And the only one I can blame for that is me. The only reason I lost is because I didn’t push hard enough, didn’t want it bad enough.”

(IMA): “Obviously you have folks out there that are saying that it’s time to pack it up, or at the very least  consider a new direction. What are your thoughts?”

(DS): “I know that there will always be doubters out there, particularly after a performance like I put on this past weekend. And the truth is, I don’t know. But I do know I’m not ready to give up.”

(IMA): “Do you have any words for David- your nemesis- the 28 year old version of yourself that you not only couldn’t beat- but couldn’t even touch throughout the race?”

I must admit, as a reporter the words came from me as a method to antagonize Doc into a more controversial response (we in the biz admittedly do this in certain cases to ignite a bit of spark in the interview subject. I don’t believe this is an unknown trick of the trade either). However, instead of lashing out with one of his well known bards, or sarcastic-caustic comments, he sat back evaluated my words and sighed.

(DS): “Good luck, I know where your path leads. I have the benefit of hindsight. I’m glad you won; because you’ll need that victory to prop yourself up with, because your worldview will soon lead you into more problems than you have ever known.”

(IMA): “Why do I get the impression that you aren’t just referring to racing?”

Doc just leaned back and smirked, leaving the question to wither.

(IMA) [scoffs]: “Was this ever about the race to begin with?”

(DS) [shaking his head]: “No, no I don’t believe so. For a time, it was about confirming who was a better person. Me or him. Somewhere along the way I realized that I already was, and I had nothing to prove. I thought about how I had ultimately already done everything he's done, thought everything he's thought. When that happened two things occurred: Admittedly, I lost a big portion of my motivation to race, to train. But the good thing- the best thing that happened- was I got to let go of trying to crawl out from under a shadow, because I realized I was the light to begin with.”