THE
DISTANT PAST…
“Hey David, congratulations on the promotion.” A coworker
applauded during a visit to my cubicle.
“Thanks
I’m excited. I’ll be working from home in two weeks!”
She smiled
knowingly, “Yep and that means in a month you will still be in your pajamas at
three in the afternoon!”
I waved
her off, “Pshh, no way. That’s not going to happen to me. I can stay focused
and motivated.”
“Oh I know,
but all you’ll be focused and motivated on is work.” She giggled. “Trust me, I’ve
been working from home for 18 months. Now I change out of my bathrobe and into
workout clothes about fifteen minutes before my husband gets home.”
“Why do
you do that?”
“So he doesn’t
think all I’ve done is stare at a computer screen all day.”
“Well
what do you do all day?”
There was
that wry smile again, “Stare at a computer screen.”
1ST
DAY OF WORKING FROM HOME...
Shift starts at 8 a.m. Alarm set for 5:30 a.m.
I am
going to be so unbelievably productive now that I don’t have to commute! I’ll
work out every morning, be in better shape! I’ll read every day, I’ll be more
educated!
2ND
WEEK OF WORKING FROM HOME...
Shift starts at 8 a.m. Alarm set for 6:30 a.m.
I was completely
zonked last week from getting up so early. I’ll cut down my morning workout and
make a point to work out again in the evening to make up for it.
3RD
WEEK OF WORKING FROM HOME…
Shift starts at 8 a.m. Alarm set for 7 a.m.
Gosh, I’ve
been working so late everyday that I haven’t had the energy to work out at all.
4TH
WEEK OF WORKING FROM HOME…
Shift starts at 8 a.m. Forgot to set alarm.
Woke up
at 8:17 a.m. and signed on late because I decided I needed to get in a workout
even though I didn’t get to it until 9 p.m.
This
was due to the fact that I worked until 7 p.m. answering inane, repetitive
emails from clueless, anonymous, soul sucking drones. The subsequent heart rate
increase kept me up until well past one in the morning.
Stayed
in pajamas the entire work day. Oh God, it’s
happening…
ONE
YEAR OF WORKING FROM HOME…
Shift starts at 8 a.m. Alarm set for 7:50 a.m.
Stayed
in pajamas the entire work day. Worked until 9 p.m. Didn’t shower or shave for
the whole work day. Glad to be alone in my house. Coworkers would likely be
happy about this as well.
TWO
YEARS OF WORKING FROM HOME…
Shift starts at 8 a.m. Alarm set for 7:50 a.m. Utilized five
minute snooze button.
Barely
ate a Lean Cuisine while working through lunch. Lunch did not arrive until 3:00
p.m.
THREE
YEARS OF WORKING FROM HOME…
Shift starts at 8 a.m. Alarm set for 7:50 a.m. Utilized five
minute snooze button. Twice.
Purposely
didn’t shut down computer to speed up sign on. Work until 8 p.m.
FOUR
YEARS OF WORKING FROM HOME…
Shift starts at 8 a.m. No need to set alarm.
Notifications
of work emails make it both hard to even sleep through the night, and even harder
to sleep at all once those on the East Coast start their day.
FIVE
YEARS OF WORKING FROM HOME…
Quit. Returned to school.
FIRST
DAY COMMUTING IN RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC IN 5 YEARS…
Set alarm for CHAOS!
Is this a good time to wake up? How long does it take me to shower? I don’t know drive times. How do distances work again? I don’t have time to eat do I?
Is this a good time to wake up? How long does it take me to shower? I don’t know drive times. How do distances work again? I don’t have time to eat do I?
SECOND
DAY COMMUTING IN RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC
I wish I had Magneto’s powers; I would park your damned Audi
on North Mountain.
Turn
signal asshole!
I will
kill all of you!!
THIRD
DAY COMMUTING IN RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC
These people seem to multiply every day. How can there be so
many? Did they lower the legal driving age?
2ND
WEEK COMMUTING IN RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC
There is no hope.
