Slowly,
I blinked awake. My eyelids fluttered, allowing my pupils to dilate, my
surroundings steadily coming into view in spite of that A.M. haze. The first
thing I saw was Toledo. She was there in my room making her rounds. I was
surprised not to see Dr. Shavers. He had turned out to be a nice guy and all,
but he didn’t compare to the high calorie ocular treat that now eyeballed what
might’ve been the reams of paper that made up my chart.
“Good
morning Patient Burke. Feeling better?” Her smile was detached to the point
that I thought it would fall from her face.
“Hi.
Good to see you, umm Dr. Toledo was it?” Play
it cool. As if you didn’t make every
effort to memorize her name, and perhaps every other detail you could soak up
from the first time you met. “Not that I am disappointed to see you, but
where’s good ole’ Doc Shavers?”
“Dr.
Shavers has been reassigned. He’s been moved to another wing. I’ll be tending
to you from now on.” As her words hit the air, I remembered the day before. Hanson…his words…feeling ill…fainting.
I hoped
my eyes did not give away the alarm that was now blossoming inside me. “Oh, that’s
too bad. He was a good guy.”
Toledo
halfheartedly nodded in agreement, and went back to perusing the machines to
which I was attached.
“ Say
Dr. Toledo, if you don’t mind. Dr. Shavers and I sort of had this routine. He’d
let me sort of ask questions about what has went on after the plague. Would you
mind doing the same?”
Dr.
Toledo, who had been only partly paying attention before, stared back at me
quizzically.
“What’d
the media call this plague?” I asked.
Dr.
Toledo’s brow furrowed, “What plague?”
My
brain felt like it had been dropped down into the elevator shaft that was my
stomach. “The terrorist attack that was launched against the U.S.?”
“Patient
Burke, I am quite sure there’s been no plague. I hope you haven’t let that run
in with Hanson yesterday put your imagination into overdrive.”
The
breath of life felt as if it had been sucked from my body. Barely audible I
mumbled, “No, no, no…” then quickly, and loud enough that my sudden change in
volume gave Dr. Toledo a start, “Where’s my cell phone? Give it to me right
now!”
I
expected her to refuse. To say I didn’t have a phone, to say I wasn’t permitted
to use such a device. However, to my surprise and satisfaction she walked
towards the door, “Certainly, let me go grab it.”
The few
minutes she was gone were terrifying. I thought she might come back with
strapping orderlies who would administer some form of electroshock therapy. Or
worse yet, not come back at all, leaving me trapped in this room to die slowly
of thirst and insanity. I even thought about escape. But when I attempted to
rise from the bed I found my legs were feeble. The bedrails were down, and I
tumbled onto the floor just as Dr. Toledo returned.
She rushed to me, but only
after setting down her charts and other accoutrements on the counter by the
door. “Patient Burke. You have to stay in bed you’re not well.”
She guided me back up, and
into the bed.
Fear had nested inside my
heart, I began to panic. “Just give me my God Damn phone!”
“Mr. Burke that’s quite
enough!” Dr. Toledo stepped back, retrieved a small black device from the
counter near her things, and brought it towards me. “There’s no need to be
belligerent. You can have your phone,
its right here.”
I snatched the phone from
her hand, and she withdrew as if I was contagious. I looked at it, it was in
fact my phone. The screen was pitch black, dark as the rubberized case that
surrounded the phone. “It’s not on?” I looked to her.
I noticed Dr. Toledo had
now retreated to the door. Her face gave
away nothing. No hints if she was enjoying this, she was wearing a mask of
professionalism that I couldn’t see past. “Now Patient Burke, an active cell
phone would be outside of the rules for our patients. However, you may
entertain yourself with that one as you see fit. ”
In spite of feeling puny,
I sat up. Never before had I contained such a violent, fearful storm inside me.
I threw the phone across the room; it clattered against a wall, and onto the
floor. Dr. Toledo didn’t even flinch.
I began to sob, and cry
out as loud as I was able. “YOU GIVE ME A WORKIN’ PHONE RIGHT FUCKIN’ NOW OR I
SWEAR I’M GOING TO LOSE MY SHIT!” My intent was to be demanding, in control
even, but the act only produced snot-filled gasps and barely intelligible
words.
Dr. Toledo frowned, and
then fully opened the door allowing the two burly orderlies I had imagined
before to enter the room. As they entered, she exited.
Both men were hard looking,
stone faced with gruff military haircuts. But that didn’t scare me. What got me
shakin’ was what the lead orderly held in his hands: A crisp and clean set of restraints, the
metal clasps and buckles glinting in the room’s fluorescent lighting.
I was forced down flat
against the bed by one man, while the other orderly readied the restraints. I
tried to resist, but it was futile. They were huge, and my body was so
ineffectual. I reached for the lamp,
they pinned my arm behind me. I tried to wriggle free and slip away, the
vice-like arms drew tighter around me in response. They smothered my every
action, stopping them nearly before they began.
***
I slept again, this time
from medications meant to soothe me, rather than my own frail condition. I’d
like to say I was finally able to dream, through my subconscious wrap my head
around where I was, what I was doing in this place. But there was only
darkness. In retrospect, I think it might be the drugs. They muffle most everything
and completely muzzle creativity. I
cannot fathom how deeply I was under, how long I was gone. When I did wake I
was greeted by a more familiar face.
“Good Day Burke.”
“Doc?…Dr. Shavers?”
He seemed pleased to see
me, “That’s right. How have you been?”
“I need to talk to you…but
I thought you were transferred?”
Dr. Shavers smiled.
Suddenly it didn’t seem so practiced or pleasant on him. “I’m still around Mr.
Burke. I’ll always be around. After all, nothing really goes on here without my
say so.”
Though I wasn’t really
sure what that meant, I nodded, too weak to do much else from my prison of a
mattress. “Doc, can I ask you a question. For old time’s sake?”
Dr.
Shavers cleared his throat then nodded expectantly.
“You
told me once that you were straightforward. I need you to answer a question,
honestly please.”
“Of
course.” He waved a hand, motioning me to begin.
“Am I
dead, dyin’, drugged or just crazy?”
”Know
that I don’t jest when I say, all of the above.”
“What
is this place?”
“You’re
in a facility that houses individuals that don’t agree with the current vision."
Shavers’ final word was drawn out for effect.
My eyes
felt heavy now, but I persisted, “Did the world end?”
“For
you and those like you, yes. But simply put, the world changed Mr. Burke. It advanced to a state that some lower humans didn’t want to accept.
Perhaps couldn’t accept.”
“What
do you mean? Why all the mystery, hiding the truth…” my own voice should’ve scared
me now, raspy, low. The voice of an aged troubadour preparing for his last
tune.
“Human
life as it stands has been perfected. The world has united to create a utopia
of sorts. That has come about through…elimination… of those that might’ve been
opposed or partially opposed to the idea, this vision. Though we have had some
success with reintroducing some of those that oppose our ideals with the use of
certain pharmaceuticals, we keep these details from those we are attempting to
help, as the truth has proved to undermine the medication's impact.”
Sounds
around me were now becoming faint. The blip and beep of the EKG machine seemed
across a distant ocean. “Who’s opposed?”
“Most average people actually. Then you still
have your less desirable characters; criminals, philosophers, radicals, free
thinkers.”
I
thought I was matching his tone, but my words were now a whisper, “What was I?”
There
was amusement in his voice, “Mr. Burke does it matter? In the end, no one person
can stand against The Paradigm.”
I
wanted to point and shout, but quickly found I could no longer feel my hand.
Coldness had crawled over me, numbing my body as it went. “Not. One. Person.” I
spoke faintly, letting my burdensome eyelids close for the last time.
