Monday, October 19, 2015

All Things in Moderation

Some establishments have the luxury of standing the test of time, others transcend this and stand the test of our memory, enduring far beyond the brick and mortar structures from which they are comprised. A select few places become legend.
                
Though that may not be a good thing…
                
                One such place is Moderation, a poorly named dive bar tucked into a seedy corner of an even seedier neighborhood in Gilbert. If you know the town and your luck runs bad, you may have heard of its debauchery and perhaps even complimented its wickedness if you were downtrodden enough to part the door and step inside.
                As most “in the know” residents have come to hear, Moderation was forced to close their doors at its Gilbert location recently. However, this doesn’t mark the end of the bar according to former owner Doc Scott, who is quoted as saying, “I will bring back Moderation. I will continue to lubricate, motivate and venerate the minds, bodies and souls of sinners everywhere.”
                When asked why he would want to continue to propagate such hedonism, even at his own expense, Doc Scott simply answered, “Because I can.”
                Although, if Scott plans to revive the ill fated Moderation brand he’ll have to do it with a yet-to-be-found source of assets, as the bar was recently raided and its property seized due to Gilbert police’s insistence that the establishment had become ground zero for what might be Arizona’s largest illegal gambling ring. When Gilbert police were pressed for answers around what evidence they recovered from Moderation, and how legal proceedings may unfold, they declined to comment.
                However, Moderation’s recent troubles are nothing new. Skirting the law, generally flouting decency, refusal to react the authoritative powers of the community has marked the bar since its inception. While some may be acquainted with its more recent history, few understand that the currently-defunct bar actually had its roots established in Tombstone back in the late 1800’s.
                When first opened in Tombstone by Willie “Don’t turn yer back on ‘im” McGee in March of 1881, business was brisk, but problems were quick to materialize.  While Moderation maintained fewer shootings than its contemporary counterparts, the damaging medical events that occurred within its walls were not of the coroner’s ruling of “lead poisoning” as was common at the time.  A different fate befell customers that locals began to call “Moderation blindness” due to McGee often cutting the pure liquor with whatever alternative substance he could find. For McGee, karma came calling that June, in the form of one the many fires that would attempt to wipe the small mining town off the map for good, when legend has it that a cigar ignited a barrel of whiskey within the Arcade Saloon, a short distance from Moderation I.
                While miraculously Moderation wasn’t touched by a single flame during the fire, rumors swirled that McGee, bartending at his own establishment that night, had perhaps put a drunken miner up to tossing the lit cigar into the Arcade’s whiskey supply upon arrival. Perhaps his way of trying to snuff out the competition. Unfortunately, word got around of McGee’s possible ill-deed and citizens organized and burned Moderation I to the ground, with him inside.
                The family business was then rebuilt by McGee’s eldest son; Cort “I’m nothing like my Dad” McGee. The younger McGee ran Moderation II successfully and quietly until police stormed the property to break up an illegal foot fetish operation. You see, prostitution was quite legal in Tombstone at the time, but a trade devoted to foot fetishes was not. To quote one of the city officials at the time of the raid, “The town of Tombstone condones whorin’ with proper licensures. However, intercourse in, around and involving the feet is prohibited. Because, well…that’s just weird.” The bar, and its owner were fined into oblivion.
                The property then sat empty for several years before being turned into a tourist attraction during the 50’s and 60’s. Overseen by Wild West Buffoonery LLC, the bar became a place for mock gun fights and other old western chicanery, for the amusement of visitors; this was known as Moderation III.   
                In 1972, with what would be the 4th iteration of Moderation,  WWBLLC opened a 2nd location in east Tucson and added animatronic gun fighters, much to the delight of children and adults. While the Tucson location flourished, the company was forced to close the struggling Tombstone branch.
                Shortly thereafter, Hubert Comradesky was outed as being a communist. Comradesky subsequently fled the town of Tucson in shame, leaving behind a wife and two children, but not before selling his animatronics designs to Showbiz Pizza (now Chuck E. Cheese).
                Another period of dormancy set in for the long enduring Moderation, and it wasn’t until 2013 that Doc Scott entered the picture by accident. While setting up a home bar, Doc showed his level of sophistication by blatantly stealing the name for his den of depravity from a scene contained in a book penned by Mary Doria Russell.  
                It wasn’t until Doc reviewed city records indicating that Moderation IV had stood exactly in the where his new Moderation V had been erected, that Doc further demonstrated his cruel cunning by having the then widow of Hubert Comradesky (known as Miriam) sign over all rights to the name “Moderation” to him. Most recount this occurrence as being under duress, as the widow Comradesky was well into her eighties at the time and it has been said by Doc himself that he “…plied her with Skittles and Kool-Aid just to get her alert.”
                According to neighbors, Doc Scott was facing mounting pressure from the family Comradesky (who have legally changed their name, but do not wish to be on record) and was forced to leave town. However, Doc claims that he left of his own volition after realizing he could further corrupt others if his bar was located in a city with a population that had “a higher sense of self worth, coupled with a lower understanding of self reliance” so he moved his operation to Gilbert in the fall of 2014.
                
'Moderation 5' as it appeared shortly before closure
               Now at this juncture we sit and wait to see if Scott’s house of hooch reopens its doors yet again. Personally, I have a feeling that protestors should be readying their signs as soon as they finish reading this article...