The growling echoed in my ears distantly. I thought of a dog, or the concept of a dog at least. Then I thought specifically of Old Rufus. The fear I held for him snapped open my eyes, only Rufus was nowhere near me.
To make matters worse I was in a fetid cell of some kind. I saw aged stone tiles, dirty from wear and stained with viscera. They were punctuated by rusted bars. Across a narrow hall, I could see another cell. By and large identical to mine, no windows, decorated in retro-medieval torture style, though it was empty.
To make matters even worse I looked next to me and saw Praesus’ face staring into my own.
“Funny thing, us meeting this way.”
Instantly, I recoiled my entire body, and hopped upright in the corner, in what I interpreted to be my best defensive stance.
“Relax squire, no point in killin’ you in here. We in the same boat.”
Without dropping my hands, I said, “Great to know.”
“For now, just for now,” Praesus winked at me.
“Do you mind telling me what that god-awful smell is?”
With more than a hint of aloofness Praesus blurted, “Had to eliminate my bowels.”
“Beg your pardon?”
“I had to shit,” casual as ever, Praesus enlightened me further by motioning to a small wooden bucket he had strategically placed in the corner.
“Great.” I said, accompanied by an eye roll. “Now I have to smell your ‘elimination’ until they kill us, or we starve to death.”
“Maybe, but bettin’ by day seven of no food whatever’s in that bucket might not smell so bad.”
I refused to think about that statement, or dignify it with a response.
“Currently though, we need to be figurin’ a way out of here,” he held out his hand.
Looking around, I didn't have much to lose, so I shook it. Although I half expected him to shank me when I would’ve expected it the least he did nothing of the sort.
“Aye, what’s the plan?”
My mouth fell open, “What?”
“Well you seem like a right smart fellow.”
“I thought you might’ve been in this sort of predicament before...given your background.”
“Just how’s a man s’pposed to receive that remark?”
Praesus’ face mirrored the shock I had expressed only a moment ago.
“You’re kidding right? Ahem, in the remarkably short time I’ve known you, I’ve known you as a coercive, kidnapping arsonist.”
Praesus nodded as vigorously as he grinned, “Right you are squire, but I need to tell you of a couple of things: one; those deeds I have actually done, and two I’ve never been interned for those, nor nothin’ else. These fools,” he motioned to what I imagined was the outside, “got me under lock and key for no cause. Only the thinkin’ that I might do something.”
“Shh, listen!” I said sharply.
Heavy footsteps echoed down the hall. The two of us watched as guards entered into view. One was portly, the other lean. They wore matching red outfits, emblazoned with gold accents. Cowls covered most of their faces, save for their mouths and chins. Both of them looked as though they may never have been washed.
“Inspiration means action requires little forethought.” I said to Praesus before making a mad dash for the bucket.
I scooped up the container, and ceased inhaling. Aiming my throw between the bars didn’t prove too difficult. The excrement sailed through the air in a thick arc, coating the lean guard completely on one side. The remaining waste splattered with a disgusting noise against the floor. The coated guard’s response was perfectly reasonable; he fell to his knees and began hurling uncontrollably.
The portly guard however, was angry. He went for the keys at his belt. “You little mongrel! The portly guard twisted the key in the lock. He drew another item from his belt, this one a baton that terminated in a swelled end. “I’m going to make you lick that off Lawrence’s uni until it’s clean!” The portly guard swung the door open mightily.
I turned to Praesus, “Smart guy got the door open, your turn.” Immediately following my statement I was struck in the back of the head. I went down hoping Praesus would live up to our handshake.
