Will You Pretend to be my Boyfriend?

           “Hey, hi… are you here alone?”

            I looked up from my phone to see a brunette woman in her mid-twenties looking a bit nervous and awkward. She was standing in front of me with a cell and what looked to be a charger at first glance.

            I thought, Clearly, I must be using the weight machine nearest to a wall outlet. This girl needed to get around me in order to have unfettered access to Instagram or something.

            “Umm, ya, I’m sorry I’ll move…” I made an effort to stand and collect my water and keys that I threw on the floor next to me.

            “No, no, you don’t understand,” she reassured me.

            “Oh, wait I see,” I suddenly knew what this young dame was up to, “I’m very flattered, but I’m sorry I have a girlfriend.” I sat back down on the machine, thinking our brief conversation was finished. I also noticed what I had thought was a charger cord, were actually headphones.

            “No it’s not that either,” she said, quickly glancing over her shoulder and looking around. “There’s this really creepy guy…”

            Of course there is, I thought, you’re talking to him.

            “And he’s following me around, and he’s freaking me out, and umm, sorry I don’t know how to say this; would you be my boyfriend for a few minutes?”

            Oh no, wait, that’s not me after all.

            “Ah what? I’m sorry; it sounded like you just asked me to be your boyfriend?”

            She seemed embarrassed, “Yes, just to get him off my back?”

            I scanned her eyes wondering if I would be able to discern what she really had in mind. Was it some form of covert espionage? Was I in a reality show?

            It was difficult to tell what her angle was, but I am always up to playing the hero, even if it’s only in a small way, so how could I say ‘No’? Plus, compared to the monotony of my regular arms day at the gym, it was a no-brainer. Besides, she had kind, truthful eyes that helped to lower my guard.“Umm, sure. What are you planning on doing?”

            She said sweetly, “I was going to run over there on the treadmill,” then her voice soured, “But he’s kinda lurking around.”

            I thought at the moment that I didn’t know which was weirder, the unknown male seemingly stalking a stranger at the gym, or her having to ask a complete stranger for protection from the aforementioned pervert. Later, my girlfriend would assure me that the pervert’s behavior was definitely the worse of the two.

            For now, I looked at the young lady and said, “Ok, I need to do a bit of cardio anyway, I’ll follow you over there and run next to you.”

            “Oh my gosh, thank you so much!” her smile was genuine, I returned it.

            As I got up to follow my new “girlfriend” I noticed a young man at the machine next to me. His eyes were wide in astonishment. The look on his face seemed to say that he had seen sitcoms start out this way, and he seemed oddly envious that he wasn’t chosen to be the protector. I wanted to give him a gentle explanation of why it was me she picked. While he watched us walk away, I turned back to him, and pointed down at my t-shirt.

            A little baby Bruce Wayne was decked out in his little baby Batman suit. I mouthed, ‘I’m Batman’ as I walked away.

            I followed the young lady to a treadmill of her choosing, taking up residence on one next to her. Curiosity then got the better of me, “Okay I have to ask, can we see him from where we’re standing?”

            She nodded, “He’s to the left.”

            Idiotically, I looked to our right. She giggled; I blushed, and corrected my view. Upon doing so, I saw a skinny man in his mid-fifties with short cropped white hair. He had on a sweat suit; the top was cut off at the arms. He looked like either a 1970’s gym teacher, or a 1980’s gym rat. Also, I had to agree with the young lady, he definitely had the creepy look down pat.

            “Yesterday when I was here he was trying to show me lifting tips, and then when he was done he declared that he ‘liked me’ before getting all oddball and slinking off in a corner to leer at me until I was done.”

            My face showed my repulsion, “Who doesn’t love getting unsolicited workout advice and then being gawked at?”

            “Ya?” she laughed, “You try it with someone that looks like that.”

            “I see your point.”

            The treadmills whirred to life, and we were off without going anywhere. Although he didn’t immediately leave upon seeing the two of us begin our run, it only took a few minutes for him to exit the gym completely.

            I did a short run, but before hopping from the treadmill I told the young lady, “If he comes back, come and find me, I’ll be doing arms for a while yet.” She smiled and nodded.

            Feeling that I had done a good deed, even if it was something that would go unnoticed by the world as a whole, I returned to my normal routine.

            About twenty minutes passed when the girl interrupted my workout again. “Hey, I just wanted to say thanks before I left.”

            “Ah, no problem, glad I could help.”

            She smiled and waved goodbye. I never got her name, nor her mine. In fact we barely spoke at all. As she left I let myself indulge in thought, A silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.

            I shook my head at my own foolishness, Back on the clock David, you’ve still got a workout to finish dork.