Overheard (In Bars)

                I have spent many an hour in the confines of establishments whose main goal is to serve you alcohol up to the point of inebriation. I am not proud of this- ah hell, who am I kidding- I revel in it. It’s my lifestyle. I like to drink!

                Be ashamed of it- hardly! Apologize for it – never.

                I like every detail of nearly every bar; the crowd, the music, the ambiance. Even if a joint’s ‘ambiance’ consists of only dim lighting, belligerent drunks and Bud Light. Ok well, all of those things are fine by me, except for the Bud Light.

                Now I dunno if any of these tidbits make me qualified to reveal the following list, but all those things certainly have sparked my imagination and keep me listening, even when I probably shouldn’t have been. Throughout the years I have picked up a few one liners, snippets of conversations, and of course heard directly the lovely warble of those under the influence. So without further ado, here is a most random list of 10 things I have overheard in bars.

HINT: It helps to really get into character when you read them based on the details provided. This is especially true if you happen to be reading them in a bar.

 

10)  “Is that your horse out back?”

 

9)  While trying to claim two open stools at the bar.

Me: “Are these seats taken?”

Woman: “Why no honey, all yours.”

Me: (sitting) “Thanks”

Woman: “No problem. Did you know I’m drunk?”

Me: “Not at all, you wear it well.”

 

8) In a packed club near the dance floor, guy trying to get a girl’s attention.

                Guy: “Hey cutie, where are you going?”

                Girl: “Everywhere.”

                Guy: “Eww.”

 

7) Guy yelling, and holding a purse in front of the ladies room.

                “How can you still be pissing?”

 

6) Request from a complete (and drunk) stranger.

                “Would you mind holding my wallet while I run to the restroom? I don’t have any pockets.”

 

5) A man and woman leaving the bar, man asks this question:

                “What do you mean I fell down already?”

 

4) Girl arguing with a bartender (in Vegas no less).

                Girl: “But I ordered a Jack and Coke!”

                Bartender: “I know and that’s what this is. Jack Daniel’s and Coke.”

                Girl: “No stupid, like a Jack-Rum and Coke!”

                Bartender: “Do you mean a Rum and Coke?”

                Girl: “No Jesus Christ! Are you new? I bartend, if I could get back there I’d make it myfuckinself.”

 

3) Bartender speaking to a mature gentleman-regular who had likely had a wee bit too much.

Regular:  “That’s damn fine, damn fine. One of my favorites.”

Bartender: “Glad to hear you like it.”

Regular: “Matter o’ fact, forget like it- I love it!”

Bartender: “Great, ready for another?”

Regular: “Another what?”

 

2) Stranger turns to me at the bar and says:

                Eager Stranger: “Hey, did you know I drank a different beer everyday for the last year?”

                Me: “Nope sure didn’t.”

                Eager Stranger: “Wanna see pictures?”

 

1) While eating at a bar and grill. The stranger beside me at the bar taps me on the shoulder.

                Scary Stranger: “Oh bro I’m sorry, I think I just bled all over you.”

 

                Really, all of these are actual stories in and of themselves. In fact, I may do that! I’m recalling the details behind #1 now, and that one definitely stands out, and honestly, I envy the gent from #2.

 

               At any rate, I hope you had as much fun reading through them as I did reciting and remembering them. Ahh, good times. Cheers!