Reflection: Being Cordial

My wife and I were recently (like today) stuck in Santa Rosa, New Mexico on our way back to Arizona from Oklahoma. Due to inclement weather and adverse road conditions on the interstate, secondary and even tertiary roads, we decided to stick around this town and actually enjoy it. Versus jumping on the freeway just to sit, or getting on a state highway only to be faced with snowy and icy roads.

We encountered a lot of folks that lived in town, and the one thing that astounded me was that everyone, either directly or indirectly, was nice to us. I suppose I shouldn’t be as shocked about that as I am, but I can’t help it. I think it’s for a few different reasons…

(Cue my writing out the reasons in a convenient list, because well I share through writing, and I certainly don’t aim to leave you hanging.)

I live in a big town.

Phoenix is pretty damn huge. I can go most days never encountering the same people twice. I don’t walk into the QT everyday and talk to Marc behind the counter. He doesn’t ask how my morning’s been so far, I never ask about his kids, and I don’t dare bring up the fact that he spells his name wrong. I don’t see Sam buying his morning coffee everyday, nor Lena rushing in to grab a sandwich for lunch. The truth is based on traffic, I may stop at any number of convenience stores. As a result, instead of Marc, Sam and Lena, I may see Frank, Wendell and Hanna. Or I may not.

No Social Consequence.

This ties into the above as it relates to never having to see these people, Literally. Never. Again. If I decide to grab the last Hershey Gold bar before Sam can get to it (I would never do something like this by the way, but it serves its purpose for illustration), he may give me a dirty look, he may even cuss me, but both of those responses would be both justified and rare. Frank may be pissed, but he will likely go on about his day without calling out my selfish action. This means that I get what I want, while inconveniencing a total stranger. Therefore, I never have to see that person again, or deal with their presumed retaliation / response.

Time is a luxury.

Or it seems to be. The fact that I don’t stop and chat with Marc, isn’t personal- it can't be-because I do not know him in the slightest. Realistically speaking though, that early morning QT stop is just the latest in a long line of things to get done in the day. All these things have a timeline attached to them, which means Marc (despite having the potential to be my newest and greatest BFF) gets overlooked. Every hour of my day is already earmarked, and Marc didn’t get penciled into the schedule. This is sad, because I (and I don’t think I’m alone in this) only minimally see Marc as even being human most days. He’s just a button, one that gets pressed so that I get my morning energy drink.

Don’t Get Me Wrong.

Now for those of you that actively label yourself a “people person” you very well could be reading this and thinking, Wow this guy is an asshole! Admittedly, I can be, no denying that. In crowds I’m socially inept, in groups I can be socially off-putting, and one-on-one (save for those that I am closest with) I can be socially awkward. All that being said, don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. I am nice to my those hat fill the peripheral space off my life and do actively listen to what they say and even engage them in conversation.

What to do?

I don’t rightfully know at this point, not exactly anyway. However, I am a firm believer that everything happens to everyone for a reason. Yes including that, and yes that, and yes even that horrible thing, no we may not always know why. One day in a small town, that values personal relationships over time, at least has me questioning some of the day-to-day interactions I have with people, which I suppose is progress of some kind.

At the very least I think I’m going to try and remind myself to approach life as though there’s not a timer running above my head, whether self imposed, or otherwise.

So, like-minded anti-socialites, live like you were in a small town, do so in a manner that allows you to make connections, and don’t let time have its way with you.

Mental Health Defined & Discussed

           I started my new master's program last month and as such, I haven't had much time to free write. However, this is a response to a discussion question from week one in my current course. I thought it was interesting (and written well enough) to show you all here. Enjoy, and I will hopefully catch up with a true rant soon!

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             “Mental health” as I would define it would be “contentment”. Of course that word alone falls far short of a comprehensive definition. If I were to elaborate I would state that “mental health” is the ability to have homeostatic functioning of the mind particularly in the areas of cognition, and behavior defined by age appropriate socioemotional maturity. This definition would also encompass normative traits such as resilience, stress tolerance and typical response to both positive and negative stimuli.  

            Certainly there are stigmas within the field of mental health. To this day mental health still exists as both terror-invoking and grossly misinterpreted by the public (Kinsella & Kinsella, 2015).  Unfortunately, these stereotypical labels fall on both patients and practitioners. For example, those who are in the field who are all too often referred to by such colorful nicknames as “shrinks” or “quacks”. Most people probably think a counselor who bills competitively for their rate is “money hungry” or “playing the insurance company”.

            Moreover, there are also stigmas attached to those seeking treatment. Such as anyone suffering from addiction issues being labeled a “junkie”, “boozer” or “methhead”. Along with these names come the ideas that addicts are inherently bad, criminalized and deemed by many to be destined to fail. Many authors have pointed to this problem as being one that spans the globe and causes real damage to those that have to cope with the negative connotation their disease brings (Henderson & Gronholm, 2018).

            What I have found personally interesting regarding the idea of stigmas, is that they exist in varying dimensions amongst substance abusers as a sort of “pecking order”. During my undergrad at a treatment facility I met many an alcoholic that would shake their heads in disgust and say, “At least I’m not that guy, he’s got real problems, he’s a heroin addict.” Or the opiate user who lost their job judging another that had their house foreclosed on as more severe, and thus worthy of disdain.

            In reality, I believe we all carry around some measure of these disorders. There might be a gentlemen who has to check to see if he shut his garage as he pulled out of his driveway 3 times before actually leaving for work, and then there’s the gentlemen who has been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.  The only thing that’s separates “us” from “them” is severity and impact on quality of life. The idea of negatively rooted stigmas being associated with mental health is therefore cumbersome.  After all, we are all walking around with the same grey matter between our ears.

            As far as “why” these stigmas exist, it is simply due to misinformation and ignorance. Often times people fear and thus misconstrue what they do not understand. This of course leads to falsehoods being believed as fact. As professionals in the field of mental health it is a small part of our job to help dispel these myths as we encounter them.

Used from allinahealth.org

References

Henderson, C., & Gronholm, P. C. (2018). Mental Health Related Stigma as a ‘Wicked Problem’: The Need to Address Stigma and Consider the Consequences. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health , 1158, https://lopes.idm.oclc.org/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=edsdoj&AN=edsdoj.b88ccbf97dcc476d81c0fff7efae42cf&site=eds-live&scope=site

Kinsella, C., & Kinsella, C. (2015). Introducing Mental Health, Second Edition : A Practical Guide. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

Group Pilot, err I mean Facilitator

            My field instructor smiled at me, “You’re going to be running this afternoon’s group.” I immediately looked behind me to make sure there wasn’t someone more qualified, or someone else he had meant to address. There wasn’t.

            “Great, can’t wait,” I lied through clenched teeth. Already I could feel the sweat building from my armpits. How could this be I thought? Why in God’s name would they want me to run group? Who called off? Are they trying to redefine the word ‘desperate’?

            And then it dawned on me…I am training to be a social worker, one who will eventually be going on to work with those that have had mental health issues, experienced trauma or been trying to live a substance-free life. While this realization did give me some comfort, I still felt my heart begin thumping as if it were about to break through the outer wall of my chest.

            After doing my best not to float away in my own nervous perspiration, I quickly worked up the nerve to ask my field instructor what exactly that meant.

            “Relax, I’ll sit in with you and see how you do for a bit, and I’ve already put together the lesson plan.”

            My mind still protested. I can’t! I’m not ready! You’ve got the wrong guy! My mouth said, “Sure, I’m ready, I was wondering when I would get the opportunity.” Stupid! Why’d you say that? Now you have no other choice but to run away. That’s right, leave at lunch, don’t come back. Ever. That will do the trick!

            Luckily, I had a full two hours to review the material beforehand. Today we would be looking at commonly held irrational beliefs and typical thinking errors. Oh no, and I was already catastrophizing the event and it hadn’t even taken place yet! I beat back the thoughts as self-destructive and set to work making scribbled notes and highlights all over my worksheets for the full 120 minutes that followed.

            Before I knew it, there I sat, face-to-face with a room full of twenty men, not much different than myself- all of them staring at the front of the room waiting to get started.  

            “Well…” my field instructor hinted as he sat next to me, arms folded.

            “Oh me? I start?”

            He nodded.

            “Alright gentlemen…” I proceeded to lay down the ground rules that I planned to use in order keep the meeting on track. It was exhilarating! That was the catalyst that sent me into a deep state of focus. I put on my reading glasses just to make sure I was centered, and the fear and anxiety that had gripped me for the last two hours left me completely.

            My field instructor turned to leave the room after only a few minutes. Oh my! You’re on your own! I felt like I was flying a plane for the first time all by myself. Keep it steady, do not screw this up!

            I set the tone; they shared, elaborated on concepts and were respectful of one another. It was a magnificent experience for me.

            Of course, in this setting it’s not about me at all.

            Following the meeting I asked the guys to provide feedback to my instructors. They did. It was honest. It was constructive. I was also not surprised that some of these gents were not shy when it came to telling me personally how I did.

            To be honest, it wasn’t all great- but nor did I expect it to be. It was my first time facilitating a group such as this. Although, they did give mostly favorable feedback. My field instructor echoed their statements telling me that I had indeed done a great job.

            It was a rewarding feeling. To celebrate the first thing I did was to come home and continue to study up so I could do better next time.

Trauma vs. Resiliency (Macro vs. Microaggressions, Pt 1 of 2)

Part I - Macro vs. Microaggressions

“I am a Social Worker. I am not a Social Justice Warrior.”

That statement may make some social workers squirm, and that is intended. The lot of us have become to distracted by lines of language to see the full environment. We can’t see the forest for the trees. Or in other words, we can’t pinpoint the aggression for the microaggression.

I believe that we have become too focused within our profession on the idea that microaggressions are overly responsible for the erosion of an individual’s self-esteem or sense of self-worth ( http://www.socialwork.career/2011/07/what-are-microaggressions.html ).

When this term was first introduced, it was used to describe interactions between people that purposefully (or otherwise) demeaned a “minority”, typically verbal exchanges. More recently, the term has taken on a more generic meaning and has been applied to everyday insults and superficial comments made from anyone in a majority group to outside of that group, about anything disparaging (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/microaggressions-in-everyday-life/201011/microaggressions-more-just-race ).

These “everyday slights,” as they are often referred, are then stated to be the chisel that gradually chips away at our mental health, causing depression, anxiety and other issues.

As someone with a life-long disability I have endured many of these microaggressions. While my opinion of these is admittedly anecdotal, rather than empirical, my opinion still stands: they are overblown, overemphasized by psychologists, psychiatrists, and other medical professionals, and gobbled up by social workers as the bullets that penetrate the self-worth and determination of our disenfranchised populations. This medicalization and “clinicalization” of trauma tends to focus more on the potential damage done to a person, rather than their ability to overcome the trauma. Specifically, this approach to “science” is socially constructed based on societal values (http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15622970500483110?journalCode=iwbp20 ).

At any rate, personally, these glib comments have barely held me back a moment, let alone a lifetime. Truth be told, they’ve done nothing but strengthen me. They’ve been the fire that’s burned within me to prove people wrong, to rise above.

Meanwhile, there are millions of people in this world that deal with legitimate toxic trauma every day. Sexual assault, physical assault, drug abuse and addiction, any and all manner of victimization and many others...these are the areas where time and energy and healing need to be focused.