I have spent many an hour in the
confines of establishments whose main goal is to serve you alcohol up to the
point of inebriation. I am not proud of this- ah hell, who am I kidding- I
revel in it. It’s my lifestyle. I like to drink!
Be ashamed of it- hardly!
Apologize for it – never.
I like every detail of nearly
every bar; the crowd, the music, the ambiance. Even if a joint’s ‘ambiance’
consists of only dim lighting, belligerent drunks and Bud Light. Ok well, all
of those things are fine by me, except for the Bud Light.
Now I dunno if any of these tidbits
make me qualified to reveal the following list, but all those things certainly
have sparked my imagination and keep me listening, even when I probably
shouldn’t have been. Throughout the years I have picked up a few one liners,
snippets of conversations, and of course heard directly the lovely warble of
those under the influence. So without further ado, here is a most random list
of 10 things I have overheard in bars.
HINT: It helps to really get into character
when you read them based on the details provided. This is especially true if you
happen to be reading them in a bar.
10) “Is that your horse out back?”
9) While
trying to claim two open stools at the bar.
Me: “Are these seats taken?”
Woman: “Why no honey, all yours.”
Me: (sitting) “Thanks”
Woman: “No problem. Did you know I’m drunk?”
Me: “Not at all, you wear it well.”
8) In a packed club near the dance floor, guy trying
to get a girl’s attention.
Guy: “Hey cutie, where are you going?”
Girl: “Everywhere.”
Guy: “Eww.”
7) Guy yelling, and holding a purse in front of
the ladies room.
“How can you still be pissing?”
6) Request from a complete (and drunk)
stranger.
“Would you mind holding my
wallet while I run to the restroom? I don’t have any pockets.”
5) A man and woman leaving the bar, man asks this
question:
“What do you mean I fell down already?”
4) Girl arguing with a bartender (in Vegas no
less).
Girl: “But I ordered a Jack and Coke!”
Bartender: “I know and that’s
what this is. Jack Daniel’s and
Coke.”
Girl: “No stupid, like a Jack-Rum and Coke!”
Bartender: “Do you mean a Rum and Coke?”
Girl: “No Jesus Christ! Are you
new? I bartend, if I could get back there I’d make it myfuckinself.”
3) Bartender speaking to a mature gentleman-regular
who had likely had a wee bit too much.
Regular: “That’s damn fine,
damn fine. One of my favorites.”
Bartender: “Glad to hear you like it.”
Regular: “Matter o’ fact, forget like it- I love it!”
Bartender: “Great, ready for another?”
Regular: “Another what?”
2) Stranger turns to me at the bar and says:
Eager Stranger: “Hey, did you know
I drank a different beer everyday for the last year?”
Me: “Nope sure didn’t.”
Eager Stranger: “Wanna see pictures?”
1) While eating at a bar and grill. The stranger
beside me at the bar taps me on the shoulder.
Scary Stranger: “Oh bro I’m sorry, I
think I just bled all over you.”
Really, all of these are actual
stories in and of themselves. In fact, I may do that! I’m recalling the details
behind #1 now, and that one definitely stands out, and honestly, I envy the gent
from #2.
At any rate, I hope you had as much fun reading through them as I did
reciting and remembering them. Ahh, good times. Cheers!
