They came to me in a dream.
They
had traveled through time, traversing a 28 year span. Objects I hadn’t thought
of consciously in ages, which I hadn’t seen for almost three decades. They were
violent, epitomes of reptilian and human gore. They were dinosaurs and they
were attacking.
Dinosaurs Attack!
This oddity
was a card series produced by Topps* (Yes, think collectable baseball cards and
bubble gum that will spur a visit to the dentist) in 1988. I was eight years
old. I thought they were one of the coolest, weirdest things I’d ever seen- and
for the record they impressed me way more than a still photo of Mike Schmidt on
cardboard.
I
dreamt about them last night, I have no idea why. However the dream did lead me
to thinking…what were some other obscure 80’s toys or collectibles I had
growing up?
Clearly,
I had collected He-Man action figures (don’t you fuckin’ call them dolls!) as any red-blooded ‘merican boy
did. To compliment that my brother was a more of a G.I. Joe kid. But what were
some of the toys that I’ve overlooked after all these years, or buried in my
memory banks? I had to really press my middle aged brain for awhile to come up
with these, so here goes:
M.A.S.K.
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| Rights to Kenner and/or related companies |
For
those that don’t recall M.A.S.K. was sort of a generic mash up of G.I. Joe and
Transformers. I can honestly say I don’t remember a damn thing about the
cartoon. But I remember my brother and I had this lime green helicopter. If memory
serves, the pilot was lost on a (very) early mission and pulled an Amelia Earhart,
never to be seen again. But we still had that chopper-bike-thingy, and I’m
pretty sure it was used as makeshift transportation from Snake Eyes to Teela,
and everyone in between. We were reducing, reusing and recycling before it was
cool.
Centurions
The
next less than memorable toys I can recall are the Centurions. These were the
guys that had connectable equipment holes all over their figures. They came
with a shit ton of crap like rocket boosters, and fireable claws and rockets
that we quickly lost. For my brother and me we had Max Ray (he also came
complete with a 70’s pornstache) and
Doc Terror (now wondering why my parents bought me the figure of the bad guy) respectively.
At any rate, they never caught on in our house, and I don’t think we ever
watched the accompanying cartoon even once.
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| "Max Ray" - Rights to Kenner and/or related companies |
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| "Doc Terror" - Rights to Kenner and/or related companies |
WWF Figures
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| Rights to WWE and/or related companies |
Take
note that these weren’t the chair-swinging pandas from the World Wildlife
Federation. Back in the 80’s the company
known as “WWE” was called "WWF", and they came out with foot tall hard rubber “action”
figures that didn’t move at all, and weren’t poseable. I clearly remember that my brother got to say
his prayers, and take his vitamins with his Hulk Hogan figure, while again my
parents gave me The Iron Sheik who was a heel (“Iran, #1. Russia #1. USA Ptooey!”- So awesome, I still remember
that!). Not sure what was with all the "bad guy" toys for me. Maybe our parents were trying to drop some not so subtle hints to us in our
early years. There might have also been a Macho Man floating around somewhere,
but I can’t be sure. My brother also had the official wrestling ring that went
with the figures. I distinctly remember my grandpa repairing that thing at
least three times, by the end of its long life it had wooden stakes for ring
polls, bungee cord for ropes and laminate flooring for its canvas.
Time flies when your stumbling down memory lane. Well that was an hour of me wracking my brain, and that was
the best my feeble mind could do for now.
I hope everyone that reads this takes a moment to reminisce as well, until next time!
*Shout out to Bob
Heffner's Dinosaurs Attack! HomePage. Perhaps the ultimate compendium of this
particular card set that I was able to find on the net. I highly suggest
visiting it if you want to reminisce. Or see depictions of dinosaurs ripping
folks apart!
