I have been a “gamer” since I was first introduced to that
tiny Dorito shooting all those enormous potato chips in outer space.
I have
owned several game systems since then, up to and including the Playstation 3.
During the time I have owned the PS3, I became particularly enamored with the
first person shooter genre and within that genre the “Call of Duty” series of games
really caught my eye.
Whether
it was Modern Warfare or World at War, all the way up to Advanced Warfare (I
just threw up in my mouth a lil’ bit), I reveled in the single player
storyline, the action, the ease of the game play, zombie mode (“Feel the power
of Dr. Richtofen!”) and especially the multiplayer features.
Oh what
joy it’s been fragging newbs, leveling up, and unlocking more heinous ways to
decimate your opponents! To try and put
it in perspective for those non-gamers out there; imagine watching your
favorite movie, but instead of passively seeing the action unfold, not only do
to you get to participate, you get to be the star of the movie, and in some caes
quite literally be in the driver’s seat for all the heroic deeds.
Not to
mention, in the online world you get to unlock accolades, best your enemy and
then there’s bragging rights. Let me assure you nothing says gaming
satisfaction like hearing a grown man cry at the same time that he’s spouting out
every curse word he knows because you just murdered his in-game character seven
times in a row. Though let me reassure you, he was totally camping (if you
don’t know what this is, I’ll touch on it later) and deserved it…
…But I
digress.
Anyway, as I made my way through the Call of Duty
landscape, collecting each new title as it came out, I grew fond of
Treyarch’s ‘Black Ops’ series. Going as
far as to call Black Ops “my series” – because I would typically go as far as
purchasing the game the day it was released, and coincidentally taking that day
off work to master it. And not to brag, but it worked, I can pwn *almost* anyone in either Black Ops or
Black Ops II.
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| Image is the property of Treyarch Studios |
Now as
most dedicated fans no doubt already know, this week marks the release of “Call
of Duty: Black Ops III” and I have come to terms with the fact that, even after
everything I’ve just described (or perhaps in spite of it) I simply don’t care.
Since
this realization, I’ve been trying to figure out why. I mean for years I’ve enjoyed getting lost in these games, and
now suddenly I’ve had enough, there has to be a reason right?
Oh but
that’s just it, there are several…let me break it down for you…
CAMPERS
I fucking hate campers! For those reading this don’t know
what “camping” is, it’s the act of hiding in a corner, cramped area and/or
blind spot and waiting for some unsuspecting player to walk by-and then BLAM-
you’re blasted in the back.
This has happened to me literally hundreds of times while
playing these games and it still makes me angry. I have learned however, not to
go back into the area in which they are camping, so as not to feed their
kill/death ratio. The fleeting prospect of revenge is not worth another
potential death. Nowadays, I simply avoid
them altogether.
Unfortunately, campers are like the roaches of online gaming,
they were here before us, and they’ll be here long after us. There’s not much you
can do to get rid of them.
GHOSTS
AND ADVANCED WARFARE
To be fair, I didn’t actually purchase Ghosts, but a 2 day
rental from Redbox was all I needed to know that I didn’t want to buy it. I
have never played a multiplayer game where most of the players thought the
object of the game was to sit still. I can only imagine this being a situation
where these player’s sedentary lifestyles had crept over from reality and were
now being played out in the virtual world as well.
Advanced Warfare was in a way the exact opposite, the game
play was so spastic and frenzied that it was hard to understand what was going on
half the time. So I mostly stuck to the zombie mode, which was great, even if it
was derivative of Treyarch’s version of the same game mode.
STEREOTYPICAL
EIGHT YEAR OLD GAMERS WITH TOURETTTE’S
If
you haven’t encountered these kids in an online environment, I cannot properly
articulate how awful, disrespectful, and dysfunctional they are, and how much
they make me weep for the future.
I
could go on, but The Oatmeal does a far better job of explaining it then I could,
plus he draws pretty pictures, you can see The Oatmeal’s take:
REAL LIFE
If you took the time to read Oatmeal’s comic, then that
leads perfectly into my next issue… real life accomplishments, and perhaps
better put; real life application of video game skills.
The short answer is there aren’t any. Though that’s not
really fair to say. To be honest the only reason I ever ended up with a
joystick in my hand in the first place is my parents read somewhere that video
games built hand-eye coordination, and they thought it might help my cerebral
palsy. Truth be told, I can’t say if it did, I have no control group to
validate it against- but it certainly didn’t hurt.
One might say that for developing children games can help
them function within an establish system of rules, recognize patterns, and even
learn (if it wasn’t for an old Apple game called “Bomber” I might never have learned
my multiplication tables, and if not for “Oregon Trail”, no one present day
would know what dysentery was).
Of course, even as a proponent of games, and video gaming
I’d have to say that may be where the benefits end. Achievements earned in
popular games cannot be placed on a resume, kill/death ratios are not going to
win you a date, and beating a game in record time isn’t going to earn you a
paycheck (with the possible exception being your YouTube channel).
So am I done with gaming? No nothing that severe, besides
I’ve still got all these old, great games that are still amazing and fun to
play.
I think in short, perhaps I’ve matured (well maybe a
little?), and I am now focusing on actual achievements instead of virtual ones.
As far as Black Ops III, I think I am going to sit this one out.
At the very least I’ve got better things to
do.
