Because of You

“I'm so sick and tired of being admired.
That I wish that I would just die or get fired.”

– Eminem, ‘The Way I Am’

 

So the plan was to come at this blank page and let loose with all the rage and frustration that has been building inside of me for months. But the truth is I’m too tired, my heart too cold. Anger implies that one cares, and I no longer do.

                I have been pushed to my limits, stretched to capacity; my cup runneth over with worry.

                What I think of most is how it used to be. Not so long ago there was confidence, poise, caring.  These are the things I miss the most. Now there only exists shallowness, regret and fear.

Because of you.

                When I stop to consider why I’ve stayed I am only reminded of how one day I sold out. And I’ve been reupping ever since, traded away my soul in the process. Despite being warned by others that this is where it would one day lead.

                I have given in, given up, tried to walk away and quit, only to be coaxed back with false promises and guilt.

                I suppose what bothers me the most is the fact that I’ve let you change me, break me down, and make me stray from who I am.  Thinking about how much of my life I’ve given over to you turns my stomach. Thinking of what I’ve missed, who I could be with the time I’ve devoted to you eats away at my soul.

Because of you.

At the end of the day, a part of my still says it’s my fault. This is true. Its due to the fact that I held on too long, was too afraid to let go. Scared of the unknown, the un-navigated, the unseen.

Foolish, I still cling bitterly to what once was. They say be a man, handle it. I say I’ve persisted, failed, reexamined and failed again, I can’t and these aren’t my problems to handle. I wouldn’t know how to solve for them if they were.

I look at the future now, knowing with certainty that the only things I want are “away” and “out”. Only the path of action will change this. See I have learned that I am content, comfortable, appeased. However, I also know I am resilient, resistant, and capable. I have withstood your weight, I’m flame retardant, bullet proof and I get back up after being knocked down.

Because of you.

Best Burger Series – The Good Oak Bar

I found myself wandering the dusty streets of Tucson on a beautiful day with time to kill before going to see the one and only Sonora Borealis.

On more than just a whim, I decided to stop in at a local tavern. A place so discrete- sandwiched in between the Rialto Theater and Diablo Burger- you’re likely to miss it, especially if you were to have had one too many of the establishment’s signature Coffee Pressed I.P.A.s*.  

The bar itself is too ornate to be considered merely cozy, decorated in the rich wood that its name suggests. Despite this, it maintains a welcoming feeling that most corporate chain restaurants would sell their grandmomma for, and most local businesses sometimes struggle to fully deliver. Not to mention, this bar prides itself on using and serving all Arizona-based products, within their food, beers and wines.  

But of course, we aren’t here to talk about décor and localities; we are here to talk about meat!

So let’s get down to it: I opted for the Good Oak Burger (naturally). Being that the people who blessed the Old Pueblo with this amazing creation are as artistic with words as they are ingredients, I will let them explain it in their charming way. Per the Good Oak Bar’s website this delight consists of: “6-oz 100% grass-fed, grass-finished, open range raised beef patty topped with onion confit, blue cheese & bacon and served on a small planet onion roll with home-made potato chips and/or evo-tossed side salad”.

Truth be told, I’m a simple man, and I don’t know what half that stuff means, but I do know that it felt great in my mouth- my teeth were happy to chew it, and my tongue tickled to taste it. Highlights for this burger would have to be as follows (in no particular order, other than the order they are in):

1.       Burger patty was not the creature from the grease pit

2.       Onion roll (the onion bagel’s distant but delicious cousin)

3.       Bacon (bacon always deserves a spot on the list, even if not found in the food)

These things and more came together in a culmination of taste- meaning yes I chose NOT to use ketchup for perhaps the first time in my life, largely because it wasn’t necessary. The Good Oak Burger packed in more than enough flavor own its own.

 All in all, a well rounded burger that left me satisfied, without feeling like I had worked a fryer in a fast food joint, or would immediately have to loosen my belt in order to continue to breath normally. It comes highly recommended in my humble opinion.

*No, this is a real thing that they actually serve. I would never tease you like that. In my humble opinion it is the most aromatic and decadent way to enjoy your java and your pale ale. Just make sure not to rush it, and if you have any qualms about how the pressing process goes, be sure to consult the resident subject matter expert Kassie, and she will cure you of your ignorance.