Resiliency and Faith

Foreword:

Yes it has been an astonishing 3 months since I have written anything outside of a graduate paper for school. Here is where I would normally apologize for my absence, but it does not seem fitting this time around. Although, I have had stints where I am not writing, this has been the longest stretch since I began this blog back in 2013.

Though I will not apologize for being gone*, I will explain. School, coupled with the emotional toll my work seems to have on my ability to write was recently compounded by my decision to switch platforms (from Blogger to Wix) earlier this year and sort of "rebrand". The inability to successfully convert readership from one site to another, initially frustrated me, but then caused me to shy away from writing altogether. I felt “icky” when I thought about posting, became defeated by it, and ultimately did not do it. At present I have been posting to both sites until such a time I can figure out what the end game will be.

Anyway, I feel compelled to write this as I know it will benefit someone other than myself. Today’s post is dedicated to those that beat themselves up because life got in the way of doing something that was important to you. Know that it is not the end of the line, taking a break isn’t the same as quitting and in this life there are few things that are forever. Enjoy the opportunity to do them, whenever and wherever they come regardless of the frequency.

- D

Resiliency and Faith

The impact of spirituality on healing, resilience, outlook and capacity for change is not to be underestimated. Researchers have shown us that the impact of faith in dealing with trauma, whether it is in the form of the atrocities of war, the loss of a spouse or even cumulative microaggressions.

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9, NIV). Plainly stated, spirituality helps build resistance against depression and anxiety symptoms (Dewey, 2019). Moreover, per Dewey (2019) after a great bulk of research dating back to World War II, it has been proven that those with faith function better in terms of recovery from trauma.

In another area where faith is a helpful tool in overcoming barriers, those with terminal illnesses can lean on faith for improved outcomes as well (Johnson, 2003). The ability to cope with and understand death is eased by faith. According to Johnson (2003) spirituality assists with reducing personal worry, feelings of being a burden to others and ideas of things left undone. It is during the “living-dying interval” (the space between receiving a terminal diagnosis and the time of one’s passing) that a person’s spirituality may actually evolve.

Sadly, unlike the remaining seven dimensions of wellness (Emotional, Environmental, Financial, Intellectual, Occupational, Physical, Social) spirituality is set apart by the need for some level of faith, regardless of a client’s personal beliefs. Because of the fact that the seven other dimensions can be more defined by statistical, concrete research they have been more readily accepted by the medical and wellness community. Due to spirituality being largely unquantifiable in terms of the material world, its use within counseling in particular remains underutilized by practitioners (Dewey, 2019).

A potential solution for this would be the realization that spirituality is not what a patient believes necessarily, but that they believe something and have something to lean on in difficult times. In secular settings that provide treatment these ideas need explored, but the counselor does not have to be an expert in every faith. Rather, they need to be aware of its power and have at least a superficial ability to understand how individual patients use spirituality to cope.

References

Dewey,  J. (2019). Posttraumatic growth. Salem Press Encyclopedia. Retrieved from https://search-ebscohost-com.lopes.idm.oclc.org/login.aspx?direct=true&db=ers&AN=90558430&site=eds-live&scope=site

Johnson, L. S. (2003). Facilitating spiritual meaning-making for the individual with a diagnosis of a terminal illness. (Issues and Insights). Counseling and Values, (3), 230. Retrieved from https://search-ebscohost-com.lopes.idm.oclc.org/login.aspx?direct=true&db=edsgao&AN=edsgcl.100485214&site=eds-live&scope=site

*That being said, I cannot stress enough how much I take solace in the fact that people actually still pay any attention to my ramblings whatsoever. Know that I am very thankful for any eyes that come across these words and any online support you show. 

Trauma vs. Resiliency (Resiliency > Trauma, Pt 2 of 2)

Part II - Resiliency > Trauma

In my previous rant, I mean blog, I put forth my views on the focus on microaggressions as sources of trauma. The below entry can be read as a stand alone piece, though If you missed it you can read the previous topic here.

“Innate resiliency trumps the day-to-day microaggressions that we encounter.”

It has been well-documented that those with higher resiliency score (as per the generally accepted Connor-Davidson Resiliency Scale) are better equipped to handle the stresses of life (http://www.connordavidson-resiliencescale.com/about.php ). As more research is done, empirical data shows that the more resilient a person; the stronger their interpersonal relationships. The more likely they are to have a solid sense of self, and they are also more apt to understand when to seek the help of others. Resiliency has even been purported to impact an individual’s sense of humor (http://www.ingentaconnect.com/contentone/prin/ed/2017/00000138/00000001/art00003 ).

The potential exists that if within the helping professions, we over-emphasize the detrimental effects of trauma, as being greater human resiliency we are creating a negative feedback loop of sorts. Meaning, by exerting our expertise as professionals and insisting we highlight only the harming effects of trauma we are short changing the healing attributes of resiliency and the very innate strengths of our clients.

By focusing on the negative aspects of trauma we begin to erode the positive skills that we are supposed to be fostering in our patients. Not only that, we add to the victimhood culture that has recently begun to permeate modern society (https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/09/the-rise-of-victimhood-culture/404794/  ).

The more as professionals that we feed into the thought of trauma, the more we undermine the resilience of those we serve. Further, this process of focusing on microaggressions as the source of toxic trauma becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

As such, rather than being a “Social Justice Warrior”, one who rides the bandwagon and focuses on the negative, I will instead choose to promote the strengths of those that I come into contact with.

Trauma vs. Resiliency (Macro vs. Microaggressions, Pt 1 of 2)

Part I - Macro vs. Microaggressions

“I am a Social Worker. I am not a Social Justice Warrior.”

That statement may make some social workers squirm, and that is intended. The lot of us have become to distracted by lines of language to see the full environment. We can’t see the forest for the trees. Or in other words, we can’t pinpoint the aggression for the microaggression.

I believe that we have become too focused within our profession on the idea that microaggressions are overly responsible for the erosion of an individual’s self-esteem or sense of self-worth ( http://www.socialwork.career/2011/07/what-are-microaggressions.html ).

When this term was first introduced, it was used to describe interactions between people that purposefully (or otherwise) demeaned a “minority”, typically verbal exchanges. More recently, the term has taken on a more generic meaning and has been applied to everyday insults and superficial comments made from anyone in a majority group to outside of that group, about anything disparaging (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/microaggressions-in-everyday-life/201011/microaggressions-more-just-race ).

These “everyday slights,” as they are often referred, are then stated to be the chisel that gradually chips away at our mental health, causing depression, anxiety and other issues.

As someone with a life-long disability I have endured many of these microaggressions. While my opinion of these is admittedly anecdotal, rather than empirical, my opinion still stands: they are overblown, overemphasized by psychologists, psychiatrists, and other medical professionals, and gobbled up by social workers as the bullets that penetrate the self-worth and determination of our disenfranchised populations. This medicalization and “clinicalization” of trauma tends to focus more on the potential damage done to a person, rather than their ability to overcome the trauma. Specifically, this approach to “science” is socially constructed based on societal values (http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15622970500483110?journalCode=iwbp20 ).

At any rate, personally, these glib comments have barely held me back a moment, let alone a lifetime. Truth be told, they’ve done nothing but strengthen me. They’ve been the fire that’s burned within me to prove people wrong, to rise above.

Meanwhile, there are millions of people in this world that deal with legitimate toxic trauma every day. Sexual assault, physical assault, drug abuse and addiction, any and all manner of victimization and many others...these are the areas where time and energy and healing need to be focused.

When the Going Gets Tough

...the tough throw their hands up in the air and scream “FUCK!!!”

But then they roll up their sleeves and get to work fixing whatever shit they need to in order to right the wrongs of life.

Its no secret that life can be hard sometimes, maybe even for some of us, it’s even hard a lot of the time.

But here’s a little secret you probably aren’t reminded of enough:

There is something to be said for your resiliency, your innate strength that helps you overcome obstacles, deal with problems and get through the tough times.

You are battle tested and have proven that you have the power to overcome whatever is thrown your way.   Even if you do not feel equipped to deal with the problem that you are facing, that mountain that is in your way is there because God knows you can handle it and someone else can’t. Some people might chalk this up to some sort of cosmic “test” (and maybe it is, what the hell do I know?) - I however, would categorize it as an experience that is both designed and destined to make you stronger.

I also realize that seeing any negative experience in this light, while you are going through it, can be near impossible. But hold it in your heart, tuck it in your pocket- whatever you want to do with it, keep that notion safe, because you will overcome.

The Less Ordinary Life of Harold: Something Different

                Harold’s room is dark. There’s no lights, no TV, not even the glowing blue power light of his PlayStation. The street lights outside cast a pale amber glow across the floor from the window. It makes the space look sour.

 

 

            The boy who is normally full of whimsical, and yet often profound imaginative qualities looks sullen. He can usually be found doodling or reading comic books, but instead he sits slumped on his bed, staring at nothing, thinking of everything. His cheeks are puffy, red-hot and not quite wet from stale tears.

            After waiting to see if he snaps out of it on his own, Harold’s mom knocks, but opens the already cracked door at the same time.

            “You ready to tell me what happened today?”

            Harold sniffed, a thick snort filled the room. His mother handed him a tissue, and waited.

            “I got beat up.” Harold turned towards the window as he said the words.

            “Really?” his Mom looked him over. “You look fine. Are you okay?”

            Harold shrugged off the hand that inspected his face, “I’m fine Mom, it didn’t hurt,” this he said proudly, as he craned his neck back towards his mother. She could see in his eyes, he meant what he had said. The truth in his words was overwhelming. She wanted to hold him, hug him, but she resisted, knowing that wasn’t what he needed right now.

            “So?” she asked casually.

            Finally, Harold spoke, “Ronnie Danko called me ‘fat boy’ again today.”

            Harold’s Mom nodded.

            “I told him if he ever done it again, I was gonna punch him in the mouth.”

            “So what’d you do?”

            “I punched him in the mouth,” Harold giggled, and his Mom joined him in the laughter.

            “I take it there’s more to the story?”

            Harold nodded, “After I punched him, he didn’t fall. He came at me, knocked me down and kicked me in the stomach a few times before Mr. Rawls broke it up.”

            “Oh honey, I’m so sorry.”

            “The worst part was no one helped me. No one even yelled at him to stop.”

            She held his hand, he let her. Harold’s Mom wanted to cry for her son. She was furious as she imagined the crowd of students staring, mouths agape, fulfilling their role as nothing but spectators. She didn’t say what she was thinking, “What happened after?”

            “I dunno, not much.” Harold’s speech quickened though, “Mr. Rawls carted Ronnie off to the office, Trisha, that student-teacher, took me to the nurse.”

            “And?” the patience in her voice was profound, knowing.

            “When’s it go back to normal?”

            She thought she had been prepared for the question, any question. “Does what go back to normal?”

            “Me?” Harold paused, maybe struggling a bit to find words, which was never a problem for him under normal circumstances. “I feel empty, like he took what made me happy.”

            She could hold back no longer, she hugged Harold, tightly. “Don’t worry it’ll come back in time son, and it will be stronger than ever. You will be stronger than ever.”

            “Thanks Mom.”

            “Thanks for talkin’ to me,” she rose from his bed, and headed for the door.

            “Mom, I thought I had him you know? I just thought I had it figured out, how it would go. Thought, he would fall and not get back up.”

            She paused to look down at her son, “Sounds like you two have something in common. Only difference is he got up and kept going during the fight, you get to do it after.”

            Harold nodded. She hoped he understood as much as he seemed. “Oh by the way, there is one thing I know for sure little man.”

            “Ya, what’s that?”

            “That precise moment when you think you have things figured out, just know you don’t.”

            “So what do you do then?”

            “Something different.”