10 Songs to Sweat To

“Eww why did he put the word ‘sweat’ in the title?”

            Well the sweating is optional, but I felt compelled to reveal some of the songs that I absolutely love to have on while running. Oh, and don’t worry the running is optional as well. In fact, I don’t care what you do to these songs, or if you even listen to them at all. You’re loss!

            But beyond that be aware this is not a countdown, this is just a few lil’ ditties (Does anyone even use the term ditties anymore?) that I think make for a great running / workout experience. I figure I’ll list them out, describe a few of them and maybe why I think they are motivational.

NOTE: I am an adult so some of these songs contain adult themes and language!

            So here goes….

1. Thousand Foot Krutch – Born This Way

If you’re not acquainted with TFK than you are missing out. In related news, if you have never ran sprints while listening to a song that has lyrics like; “I got lightning running through my veins /

Ain't nobody gonna stop this train / So hop on board, or get out the way / 'Cause I was born this way” -  you are likewise missing out.

2. Charles Bradley - Ain’t It a Sin

I first heard this song while watching the Netflix series Luke Cage. It immediately stopped me in my tracks. No, literally, I stopped the episode so I could research who was singing this song, and then went immediately to ITunes to buy it! It was as if I was hearing James Brown 2.0, and several of the lines in the song are custom made anyone who’s tried to be the nice guy, and had it blow up in their face.

3. Breaking Benjamin - I Will Not Bow

Breaking Benjamin is a powerhouse when it comes to workout songs for me personally. Their powerful, driving guitar chords, coupled with their dramatic and evocative words always seem to help me push the pace and keep it there.

4. Childish Gambino - Bonfire

To paraphrase perhaps the most famous line regarding taste in art; “I may not know rap, but I know what I like.” While some lines might seem like the typical misogynistic, threatening fare you’ve heard in 1,000 other rap or hip-hop songs, this stands alone because of the unique construction. It’s built to last, which shows as this song is pure fire from beginning to end.

5. Johnny Cash - Hurt

I know, you’re thinking; “But David why the hell would you run to this song?” See, for me running isn’t just about going the farthest or the fastest, it’s about emotion, a feeling, releasing stress. Sometimes it is also about feeling anything other than what you might be feeling during a run (fatigue, soreness, dread etc.). One listen to this and you can only focus on Mr. Cash’s timelessly haunting vocals coupled with Trent Reznor’s gloomy libretto.

6. Disturbed - Indestructible

Motivation, if motivation were a thundering barrage of kick ass lyrics and guitar riffs. Turn it up (LOUD) and go get you some!

7. Run the Jewels – Oh my Darling Don’t Cry

“Don't need a preacher preachin' on my behalf / No teacher can't teach my arrogant ass / I'm blowin' on crippy while readin' the scriptures as written by Egyptians while sippin' on whiskey / Aye baby you with me?”
I’ll be honest, trying to find a coherent theme in this track is difficult, but damn it sure sounds cool!

8. 7L & Esoteric - Godless America

Only recently did I discover 7L and Esoteric, and I’ve already added several of their songs to my running playlist. For me, this one has it all, the bass line is sick (is that what all the cool kids say nowadays?), the lyrics deliver a punch, and it has its own unique sound.  

9. Paul Simon -  You Can Call Me Al

Oh how do I love thee, let me count the ways: One; this is nearly the first video I ever saw on MTV. Two; Chevy Chase was in it. Three; this song is fun and just makes me happy. Four; it reminds me through not-so-subtle phrases that I need to remember to work on my abs after I run.

10. Eminem – Cinderella Man

This guy takes up a great deal of space on my Ipod as well. This song (IMHO) has near perfect cadence to match Eminem’s lyrical beating, just what one needs to take their mind off their feet beating against the pavement.

            Well and there you have it. I’m sure if you’ve heard of any of these artists than you have an opinion of them already formed. And that’s fine, I don’t expect everyone to start cranking Cash at the gym (but how awesome would that be?).

            Anyway, hope you enjoyed my ramblings and maybe even found a few good jams (Does anyone even say jams anymore?) to get through your workout.

Will You Pretend to be my Boyfriend?

           “Hey, hi… are you here alone?”

            I looked up from my phone to see a brunette woman in her mid-twenties looking a bit nervous and awkward. She was standing in front of me with a cell and what looked to be a charger at first glance.

            I thought, Clearly, I must be using the weight machine nearest to a wall outlet. This girl needed to get around me in order to have unfettered access to Instagram or something.

            “Umm, ya, I’m sorry I’ll move…” I made an effort to stand and collect my water and keys that I threw on the floor next to me.

            “No, no, you don’t understand,” she reassured me.

            “Oh, wait I see,” I suddenly knew what this young dame was up to, “I’m very flattered, but I’m sorry I have a girlfriend.” I sat back down on the machine, thinking our brief conversation was finished. I also noticed what I had thought was a charger cord, were actually headphones.

            “No it’s not that either,” she said, quickly glancing over her shoulder and looking around. “There’s this really creepy guy…”

            Of course there is, I thought, you’re talking to him.

            “And he’s following me around, and he’s freaking me out, and umm, sorry I don’t know how to say this; would you be my boyfriend for a few minutes?”

            Oh no, wait, that’s not me after all.

            “Ah what? I’m sorry; it sounded like you just asked me to be your boyfriend?”

            She seemed embarrassed, “Yes, just to get him off my back?”

            I scanned her eyes wondering if I would be able to discern what she really had in mind. Was it some form of covert espionage? Was I in a reality show?

            It was difficult to tell what her angle was, but I am always up to playing the hero, even if it’s only in a small way, so how could I say ‘No’? Plus, compared to the monotony of my regular arms day at the gym, it was a no-brainer. Besides, she had kind, truthful eyes that helped to lower my guard.“Umm, sure. What are you planning on doing?”

            She said sweetly, “I was going to run over there on the treadmill,” then her voice soured, “But he’s kinda lurking around.”

            I thought at the moment that I didn’t know which was weirder, the unknown male seemingly stalking a stranger at the gym, or her having to ask a complete stranger for protection from the aforementioned pervert. Later, my girlfriend would assure me that the pervert’s behavior was definitely the worse of the two.

            For now, I looked at the young lady and said, “Ok, I need to do a bit of cardio anyway, I’ll follow you over there and run next to you.”

            “Oh my gosh, thank you so much!” her smile was genuine, I returned it.

            As I got up to follow my new “girlfriend” I noticed a young man at the machine next to me. His eyes were wide in astonishment. The look on his face seemed to say that he had seen sitcoms start out this way, and he seemed oddly envious that he wasn’t chosen to be the protector. I wanted to give him a gentle explanation of why it was me she picked. While he watched us walk away, I turned back to him, and pointed down at my t-shirt.

            A little baby Bruce Wayne was decked out in his little baby Batman suit. I mouthed, ‘I’m Batman’ as I walked away.

            I followed the young lady to a treadmill of her choosing, taking up residence on one next to her. Curiosity then got the better of me, “Okay I have to ask, can we see him from where we’re standing?”

            She nodded, “He’s to the left.”

            Idiotically, I looked to our right. She giggled; I blushed, and corrected my view. Upon doing so, I saw a skinny man in his mid-fifties with short cropped white hair. He had on a sweat suit; the top was cut off at the arms. He looked like either a 1970’s gym teacher, or a 1980’s gym rat. Also, I had to agree with the young lady, he definitely had the creepy look down pat.

            “Yesterday when I was here he was trying to show me lifting tips, and then when he was done he declared that he ‘liked me’ before getting all oddball and slinking off in a corner to leer at me until I was done.”

            My face showed my repulsion, “Who doesn’t love getting unsolicited workout advice and then being gawked at?”

            “Ya?” she laughed, “You try it with someone that looks like that.”

            “I see your point.”

            The treadmills whirred to life, and we were off without going anywhere. Although he didn’t immediately leave upon seeing the two of us begin our run, it only took a few minutes for him to exit the gym completely.

            I did a short run, but before hopping from the treadmill I told the young lady, “If he comes back, come and find me, I’ll be doing arms for a while yet.” She smiled and nodded.

            Feeling that I had done a good deed, even if it was something that would go unnoticed by the world as a whole, I returned to my normal routine.

            About twenty minutes passed when the girl interrupted my workout again. “Hey, I just wanted to say thanks before I left.”

            “Ah, no problem, glad I could help.”

            She smiled and waved goodbye. I never got her name, nor her mine. In fact we barely spoke at all. As she left I let myself indulge in thought, A silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.

            I shook my head at my own foolishness, Back on the clock David, you’ve still got a workout to finish dork.