Damage

INTRO

                This blog entry came about after watching God Bless America  a couple weeks ago (which if you haven’t seen it, use the link to take a quick read and then watch it on Netflix- it’s brilliant!).  Beyond that some recent interactions I’ve had with some close friends that led me to thinking about my own (less than)

flawless past.

Moreover, it’s a quick glimpse at the negative behavior people force onto others, and our reactions to it, and quite frankly something I’ve needed to get off my chest.

The Antagonist Approach (Being Human)     

I’ll first take a look at how we as humans dole out this behavior, which oddly enough also encompasses perpetuating the negative behavior on others:

               

                “People have no regard for the damage they do to other people.” - God Bless America (A.K.A. The Every Self Serving Sonavbitch you’ve ever met Approach.)  In what is perhaps the oldest example of “Do unto others as they have done unto you.” in history, people that take this approach are usually the ones that irk you in some regard. And while the vast majority of the population is guilty of this, I will say it’s a matter of degrees.

                For instance, you let someone borrow a pen, which they never return. For illustration sake, let’s call this a “Level 1” offense. A lot of times we can justify these slights easily. We’ll that co-worker of mine took my pen, so I’ll take the one from the cable guy.

An example of a “Level 3” offense might be, the oaf that doesn’t pick up his dog’s shit after it craps on your front yard, slightly more aggravating then our first example. However, still reasonably justifiable by most standards. I ALWAYS pick up after MY dog, so leaving this turd here on this schlub’s lawn won’t hurt, just this once. 

You can then go all the way up to true abuse be it; mental, physical or emotional.

 If we say this list represents “Level 10” offenses. And as absurd as it might sound, a smaller portion of those diagnosed with the human condition can justify even these reprehensible actions, whether through conscious recognition or subconscious understanding. Don’t get me wrong- when I say that these too represent actions that can be justified, I am not talking about by those with mental fallacies, or other peculiar conditions. I mean people like you, me and yes even your grandmother. I can put it in perspective easily by saying; Spouse A cheats on Spouse B. Spouse B may feel compelled to do the same out of retaliation, or vindication. See, with that example it’s not such an obtuse point of view any longer…but my point is, Spouse B’s circumstances don’t make their actions appropriate. “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” said your grandpa after he caught your grandmother revenge cheating.

                Life is full of people who commit innocuous versions of these transgressions. They are so commonplace that we almost expect one or two of them to occur in a day, chalking them up as inconveniences of dealing with our fellow man (or woman). Have a string of these dealings in one day; you may even refer to it as a bad day. Largely, you are unaffected by these setbacks, and you either go about your day barely noticing them, or shrugging them off as part of the rat race, like the asshole that was hell bent on not letting you merge onto the freeway this morning- he clearly saw you!

                Where these infractions begin to mount is not typically those committed anonymously by strangers, those repeatedly carried out by loved ones, friends and others that are close to you. This turns an ignorant, selfish act into a seemingly targeted attack.

REACTIONS (Trying to be More Human than Human)

The Robert Neville Approach

“I can fix this.” - I Am Legend. Some of us that feel we are enlightened, intelligent, and all around reasonable may first try to make various concessions in dealing with the people that commit these errors (regardless of level) or the offenses themselves.

Depending on our own level of success in repairing whatever damage may have been wrought, we may continue down this path of the “fixer” or we may abandon helping efforts altogether.

                The Doctor Manhattan Approach 

“I’m tired of this planet, these people…tired of being caught in the tangle of their lives.”- Watchmen If we move on from our roles as fixers, we may arrive to that of the uninvolved observer. The stance of “not my problem” and/or “doesn’t directly affect me” may force our inaction.

The Punisher Approach

                “To pursue... natural justice. This is not vengeance. Revenge is not a valid motive, it's an emotional response. No, not vengeance. Punishment." - Punisher. This path is fairly simple, do onto others. If someone commits a minor transgression against you, the chosen course of action is to even the score, harm then, or do what has been done back to them.

Why do we do it? (Acting Human)

            No formal thought

            Though it may seem like a cop out, the truth is that most of these abrasive situations arise because people aren’t actively thinking about consequences.  Humans love to auto pilot through the day, this often leads to the inability to see the reactions of our actions, if you will.

           

            Self Interest

            They are actively thinking about themselves. The guy that cut you off in traffic, the lady that cut you in line, the politician that cut your health coverage.  All of them were acting out of their own best interest, not yours.

                They didn’t say, “I’m going to do ____ to Joe today.” But they did do ____ to Joe today. The end result is the same.

                Quasi-evil intent

            While this may sound a bit over the top, some people do enjoy the slight spark of torment that goes along with causing you inconvenience or minor harm. These people are perhaps the easiest to deal with, but the hardest to figure out. Assuming, that is, you want to figure them out at all. Personally, I’d like to see what makes them tick slightly out of time.

What do we do?
            Conclusion 
       Just deal with it man, that’s life after all.

                If you’ve read this far you were probably hoping for a better solution, I’m sure.

                However, honestly encounters like these and the more awkward, difficult situations in life builds both character, improvisational thinking and resiliency.

                “Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward.”

-  Henry Ford

Closer to the End

This one is bound to be another melancholy endeavor, I imagine...but much like anything, its one of those damnable thoughts that has wormed its way into my brain, and I can’t get rid of it. The only way to let it go, is to write it away, so here I am. Or rather, if you’re reading this, here we are.

Without going into too many details death has been on my mind as of late. Although, with that being said, maybe it was there all along, I just didn’t see it clearly. I’ll take a second to reassure anyone reading this, it is not a welcome thought. I have not reverted to shopping at Hot Topic and wearing black nail polish. I view death with a stoic mysticism I reserve for little else. It does not frighten me, but neither is it welcomed.

But recently, as I saw yet another life pass from this world to the next, I thought after, about the hereafter. My mind cycled through the all the times I’ve been on hand, witnessing someone close, or even not so close, slip from this realm. I thought about how, in the end, for all our technology, for all our advances, all we can do is buy time. All the medical bills, all the procedures, all the money spent, only really amount to a few precious increments of time. Ultimately immeasurable, as even the experts seem to be unable to guarantee just how much time we get per dollar. When it comes down to it, this creates in me a sense of helplessness, tinged with anger. I despise not being able to act in a manner that assists those close to me.

Sitting in an office, I have been next to the person getting the news of a horrendous diagnosis many times. I look at them, I comfort them. I cry as they cry. Saying the lie we’ve all told at some point in our lives, “It’s all going to be okay.”

Outside of the hospital room, I have sulked gloomily, waiting for the final update. Knowing that sooner, rather than later, some person in a white coat will come by, and solemnly state, “They’ve passed.” This is usually done in an efficient manner so the person occupying that bed can be extradited, all so someone else may take their place.

I’ve been there I have been at the deathbed of a few special relatives. I have held their clammy hands in a mockery of solidarity, stared down nothing while they’ve stared down death.

My eyes have seen the shovelfuls of dirt fall, explode into tiny granules as they collide with the top of a casket from above. I have heard the prayers uttered by clergy, often evoking sobs from the crowd, no matter how small or large.

These images are universal of course. While we may not all fear death, most of us avoid thinking about it, letting alone talking about it. Afterall, why focus on death when there’s so much living to do?

However, this time that little thought I referenced earlier slipped into my head, nesting there. Perhaps it snuck in past an inflamed tear duct, and fast tracked its way to my brain, where it made itself quite comfortable.

That thought was the realization that one day...I wouldn’t  merely be the one sitting next to the person getting the bad news, nor would I be the one waiting outside the hospital room, or even holding the hand of the person that was facing death. I would be the one the bad news would be about, the one in the hospital bed, the one in the ground, rather than observing from above it.

With that my friends it seems appropriate to say what many have said before me; do not wait. Do not hesitate. If you want something, go after it, if you love someone let them know. If you hate your job, find another, if you hate where you live, find somewhere else.

Life is too short to regret, the closer to the end I get, the more I see that.

Good luck and Godspeed,

- David

All the Times

When was the last time you cried?

Have you blocked it out? Have you never? Or at least it’s nothing you’d admit to?

However, can you recall the last time you smiled? When you laughed last?

I think to some extent we all hope and pray for a life less ordinary, not thinking as we do that less ordinary may not always be positive. We crave action, adventure, love, lust, passion, fame, fortune…All the while thinking that when we get them it will ultimately lead to satisfaction, the satiating of some primal thirst, our idea of happiness.

After some thought, I think that this might be a misguided way to demand drama, to call for misfortune. The most troubling piece of the human condition is its addiction to fickleness. We are junkies for stimulation and agitation. We are quick to leave what’s comfortable and content for the mere empty promise of a thrill. When that thrill fails us, we are then left cowering with regret.

Again, when was the last time you cried?

Was it because of someone else? Perhaps it was. Even so, it likely in no small measure the indirect terminus of decisions that you yourself made. Decisions that came about because you weren’t happy to begin with, you shunned contentment and went out on your own, with the name of exploration on your lips, but perchance something very different in your heart.  

Remember this the next time you feel that phantom of the rambler try and take your hand. Seeking you when times are not necessarily bad, but even simply the mundane. It will whisper that things can be more exciting elsewhere. It pours lies into your waiting ears, making you forget that what you now have was at one point everything you ever wanted. And maybe still is.

The person that seeks respite from a life without trouble will undoubtedly find it.. It’s an unfortunate fact that we have to take the bad with the good, otherwise the good would be the mundane, and become lost in the everyday. Recall that whether great, horrible, or indifferent, all the times of your life matter. In an incalculable and cosmic way, the sum is greater than the parts.

There, now you’ve cried for the last time.