Real American Hero

Now that the Infinity Saga has fully played out on the big screen, I feel a bit more comfortable discussing this topic. However, WARNING - much like another unavoidable reboot of the Fantastic Four, slight-spoilers ahead!  

People always ask me why Captain America over Iron Man. To me, that’s an easy question to answer superficially; Captain America, or more accurately Steve Rogers is not the hero I would be if suddenly imbued with superhuman powers, because Cap’s personality isn’t like mine at all. He’s truly altruistic at his core, i.e. he is blatantly absent of ego. He does what he believes to be the best thing for those he encounters in his role as a hero, in the best way he knows how- for them, not for himself. 

In comparing characters like Iron Man and Captain (which I am often doing, because I get asked this so often) I can likely more easily explain why I don’t gravitate towards Iron Man; Is Iron Man a hero. Absolutely. Is he also a conceited, know-it-all with control issues? Indeed. And given my personality I fall closer to his side of the bell curve than Cap. But on a personal note, I’m trying, and have been trying to move the needle, but I digress.

Another key difference between Cap and Iron man, or more accurately, Steve Rogers and Tony Stark is  the fact that Captain America doesn't think he is smart enough to know what’s best for everyone else. And while Tony Stark is highly intelligent in many ways, he’s just stupid enough to think that he does know what’s best for everyone else. Usually without their input. This is demonstrated in the film and comic version of the character via Ultron’s creation, his stance on the Sokovia Accords (or Superhuman Registration Act, if you’ve read the comics themselves). Within the comics specifically, his participation in the Illuminati (think-tank and self-appointed string pullers consisting of Iron Man, Namor, Dr. Strange, Professor X, Reed Richards and Black Bolt) solidifies his interest in making decisions on the behalf of others on a global scale. I can perhaps best sum this up by stating the following; Cap is worthy.

Contrarily, Steve Rogers is the personification of the U.S. as a righteous (not read as ‘self-righteous’) protector. And that is not to say that Rogers as Cap is beholden to laws and bureaucracy of a nation when the acts it perpetuates are morally wrong. His moral compass isn’t necessarily tied to a government or a country, its tied to doing purely good for the benefit of others, because it is the right and only thing to do. Take this quote from the Marvel’s Civil War event within the comics: “Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong, is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: The requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world --No, YOU move.” Ya, those that have read this blog before and/or know me probably knew that was coming. 

As an aside, I know there has been a kerfluffle surrounding the time travel plot issues in Avengers: End Game, what due to Steve's traveling backwards in time to live out his days with Peggy Carter. To the detractors and so-called time travel experts: Stop overthinking it and just enjoy Cap's swan song in the MCU! Why oh why can't you simply enjoy a thing!

In closing, I understand that many people identify with certain heroes in their life solely because those heroes remind them in some (or many ways) of themselves. I have those heroes as well. Cap though, for me, Cap is something different. His character is a reminder of the limitlessness of ideals, not only when we clearly and simply define them, but also when they are tested. This in turn reminds me of what we can accomplish when we stand by and do what is truly right.

Infinitely Entertained

                “In time, you will know what it's like to lose. To feel so desperately that you're right. Yet to fail all the same.” – Thanos

Rights to Disney/Marvel

The Review           

            To be a proper hero you need a great villain. Someone who is powerful, intelligent, persuasive, maybe some can even be sympathetic to the cause. To sum it up; heroes need a substantial threat, especially the super-powered kind. The viewer (see also reader or player) needs to feel as though there is some sense of danger and suspense surrounding the protagonist for which they are rooting. Avengers: Infinity War accomplishes that in this writer’s view.

            So it’s here I want to write about my experience with Avengers: Infinity War. Now that I have completed enough therapy sessions after watching it to feel that I can discuss it and not need a safe space.

            I won’t go into spoilers here, even though I imagine if you are interested in the MCU you’ve likely already ventured to the theater or at least uncovered details of the plot elsewhere. It’s safe to say,  it was full every emotion;  action on many different fronts, touches of great humor between the characters (Bucky and Rocket to name just one), love, respect, and much, much more.

            You may have guessed by now overall, I loved the movie. I grew up with these heroes in nothing but comic book form and the imagination of a teenager to power them. There is something deeply appealing to me about seeing these heroes literally come to life. It is even greater to see them come together in order to overcome the impossible. It motivates me to press on in the face of adversity. That quite simply is the highest compliment you can pay to any art form (Yes I just referred to a genre where the main characters wear tights as an “art form”), is that it pushes you to be a better human being.

The Haters

            What’s odd to me is I continue to see people on social media express their disdain for the super hero genre as overdone, childish or predictable. And to those people, I would say it is. It’s based on fictional characters that have incredible otherworldly powers, also there’s a guy that shoots arrows. All of them are equally interesting to me because of what they stand for, even the villains. So if you don’t like super hero films I have two pieces of advice: 1) Go back to watching Downton Abbey, and 2) Fuck right off because no one asked for your opinion (Somewhat ironic coming from a blogger, no?).

Where I’d Like to See the Next Movie Go

      I enjoy the Avengers (and many DC characters as well). However, my favorite team is the X-Men, specifically Wolverine. As such, it is my hope that at least in the post credit scene of Avengers 4 we get a sneak peek of the X-Men and/or the Fantastic Four. Although, if Disney/Marvel really wants this writer (and many other fanboys and girls) to completely geek out, a full crossover and meeting of these teams fighting side-by-side with the Avengers would be epic (And trust me I’m not the type of guy to throw around the word epic very often)!

            For now, the opening day for the yet untitled Avengers 4 is slated for May 3, 2019. In the meantime, I’ll keep snapping my fingers in anticipation.

Rights to Disney/Marvel

The Less Ordinary Life of Harold: Dairy Comics (Featuring "The Prodigious Cheese-Man")

 

            Harold sits regally atop a throne of gold and yellow.

            “I didn’t ask for this power…”

            As we examine him we can see he is wearing a colored outfit, similar in hue to that of his throne. The garb almost looks like that of a cut rate comic book hero; yellow cape, orange tights, oversized gloves shaped like triangles of pale yellow.

            Harold snaps his fingers. A small square of yellow-orange appears before Harold’s open mouth.

            “This blessing…”

            Harold chomps down on the tiny floating brick of cheese, devours it in one bite. He snaps his fingers again, repeating the process.

            “This curse.”

            “They say with great power comes great responsibility. But even they never knew the power I now hold, and what it might cost me.” Harold gazes down, taking in the ridiculous over-sized gloves covering his hands. He scans the back of his hands in deep contemplation…

*

            …In an alley coated in shadow, two dark figures stand speaking in hushed whispers. It’s easy to tell from their body language and rushed conversation they’re up to no good.

            But then an ethereal figure floats down from the sky. For a moment it resembles our innocent protagonist Harold, but that’s merely a fleeting trick on the eyes. For we now only see…

            “The Prodigious Cheese Man!” One of the ne’er-do-wells cries out, as he takes off running.

            The other pauses, if only to ask, “If he’s got cheese powers, how does that make him fly?”

            A booming voice delivers the line that makes villains quiver with an upset stomach. It is his only response, “Are you fellas lactose intolerant? You will be!”

            Both men are now in full sprint, trying to get to the open street at the end of the alleyway.

            The Cheese Man’s right hand begins to reshape itself, in a few moments where there was an abnormally large gloved hand, there’s now a Gatling-gun shaped appendage.

            “No criminal can escape the Curd Turret!” Cheese Man declares, as he opens fire on the two men. Round upon round of creamy, gel-like cheese curds erupt from the barrel that once was a hand. The substance coats the blacktop, covers the walls of the buildings that form the alley, and pelts dumpsters- the twangy-thud of them echoing off the metal containers.  

            The two men are cut down, covered in a thick layer of cheese curd, so much so that they struggle to move, but cannot.

            Just then a van skids into view at the mouth of the alley. The side panel is flung aside, revealing a mounted gun. A man in a black ski mask grins maniacally behind it.

            “Remember, Cheese-Man; turnabout is fair play!” the masked man cackles into the night, releasing the lever on the .50 caliber machine gun. This time its metal shell casings that ring against the pavement instead of the splat of cheese curds.

            Cheese-Man is forced to take evasive action. He dives behind the closest dumpster, knowing that the gunfire will soon tear through the dumpster’s material. The bullets fly past, some so close Cheese Man can feel the hot break in the air as they whiz by.

            As the chaos surrounds him, Cheese-Man closes his eyes to try and think. Its then he hears the most majestic sound his ears could imagine: a cow mooing into the night.

            Make no mistake, this is no ordinary moo. It’s fearsome and prolonged, more like the feral howl of a wolf than anything a bovine creature might produce.

            Cheese-Man opens his eyes, and finds himself staring up at the moon. Superimposed over it is the shadow of a cow. And lucky for him, it’s not just any cow.

            In a flash, the cow’s silhouette has disappeared from the face of the moon. With a whoosh the panel van in front of the alley is hit from the rear by what seems to be a cannon. The vehicle rocks on its frame, causing the masked machine gunner to fly forward, the machine gun grows still and quiet.

            One of the thugs ensnared within the mound of cheese curds comments, “So the cow can fly too? I don’t understand any of this.”

            “Shut up you!” Cheese-Man emerges from the alley and is greeted by a green cow, wearing what appear to be yellow galoshes, and matching goggles.

            “Moo the Cow, ol’ friend!” Cheese-Man attempts to high-five the cow.

            The cow replies with, “Moo.”

            “Oh ya, right.” Cheese-Man lowers his hand realizing his mistake, “Well it’s great to see you as always. Your timing is impeccable.”

            However, fate’s sense of timing is more macabre.

            The masked man is dizzy as he tumbles from the passenger side of the van. Though this does not seem to affect the grip he has on the pistol in his hand. He staggers towards our distracted heroes.

            Cheese-Man’s back is to the masked man, but Moo the Cow sees the villain clearly. “Mooooo!” the cow pitches Cheese-Man out of the way, as the masked man raises his gun.

            Two shots are fired as Cheese-Man looks on in horror.

*

            Again, we are transported back to Harold, the Cheese-Man that was, and will forever be sitting atop his throne alone.

            “Yes,” he says to himself solemnly, “great powers indeed…but even with great powers I fall short of being able to stop a bullet, return the dead to life, or perform mouth-to-snout resuscitation.”

            Cheese-Man is through grieving. He rises to through the air, clenching his fists in rage. As he floats there, hovering above the ground he vows, “I will find this masked man and I will make him pay. I promise you Moo!”

*

            In the background of the room, the two thugs from the alleyway, are still frozen in dry cheese curd, hardened to the density of stone. One looks to the other, “I still don’t get how he can fly. I don’t care how cheesy his powers are. They can’t make you fly?”

            His partner responds, “Oh my God! Shut up already!”

            “What? It’s a legitimate question!”

 

THE END?

 

R.I.P. Moo the Cow 7/17/17-7/17/17

 

Qui custodit scurra?

APPETIZER

Before I begin this one, I feel it’s important to state a few things up front, just so you, as readers, understand where I’m coming from:

1)      I do NOT claim to know Latin – I used Google translate to decipher “Who Watches the Joker?”  - so if it’s off, blame them.

2)      I am a CASUAL comic book fan – meaning I don’t know every piece of trivia, developing news, or fan boy tidbit there is to know. I realize this is just a “theory” of how things my shake out in DCs new Rebirth series. Further, I also realize this “revelation” is not quite 2 months old as I write this. However, when I came across this VIDEO a few days ago, it sparked the need to write about the potential storyline. Heck, it may even have already been resolved and discredited as of this writing (though I couldn’t find anything online indicating as such).

3)      I absolutely love The Watchmen (I have 5 Watchmen-related tattoos on my skin, so you could say I’m a fan) I love The Joker (I have 4 Joker-related tattoos, again, I’m a fan, I think I’ve established that). Needless to say I am having a NERGASM at even the very thought of this storyline.

MEAT & POTATOES

For those of you that don’t know DC is re-launching all of its series, and the company likes to do so through huge all-encompassing storylines. “Rebirth” is the most current effort to do this. In doing so DC has stated the “New 52” (DCs previous reboot of their fictional universe) was created by none other than (drum roll please) Dr. Manhattan! *nerd swoon*

Now in re-launching the universe the powers-that-be over at DC touted they would be revealing the true identity of the Joker. Following this, Batman discovers through sitting in the Mobius chair (fictitious chair that contains all the knowledge of the world within the DC Universe- again stress on fictitious) he learns there were actually 3 Jokers!

Why is this so interesting to me you ask? Well, that’s the exciting part! There’s a possibility that one of these three Jokers is potentially- The Comedian! *nerd swoon*

There have been several potential clues surrounding this, the greatest of which is Batman discovering The Comedian’s badge behind an item of Joker evidence within the bat cave.

DESSERT

I guess you could surmise that I am thrilled at the possibility. Of course, whether or not DC pulls it off with some interesting stories to follow it (or goes through with it at all) remains to be seen. Until then, one can hope…

See You in the Funny Papers

Ahh, comic books, that microcosm of literature that somehow manages to work every internet nerd into a steely-eyed, froth-mouth frenzy of rage if one tiny thing is changed about the characters they’ve followed from the time they were old enough to read, up until present day, where they rant with their keyboards via their parents Wi-Fi connection. All the typical things like “You ruined my childhood!” and “This isn’t canon!” and “My mom got me Cool ranch Doritos instead of Nacho cheese!”

                We’ve been seeing changes from both Marvel, as well as DC as they provide their respective universes with a bit more diversity, and even enable writers to start with a new approach to classic heroes in order to attract new fans.

                As of this writing, the latest item that’s filling Marvel’s hate mail (Do people still actually send letters anymore? Or is all internet hate directed via online forums and email?) is their decision to “retire” Tony Stark and replace him with a 15 year old GASP! African-American DOUBLE-GASP! girl! TRIPLE-GASP!   

                Immediately thereafter, all the narrow-minded, stuck in the past, obsolete fan boys (and maybe girls?) scream their collective disapproval, and then shit themselves in disbelief.

                In recent times we’ve also had DCs New 52, and now DC’s Rebirth, along with Marvel creating Marvel Now, and not to mention their efforts at making Miles Morales (the new Spider-Man), female Thor, New Wolverine (X-23) and so on and so forth…and in all these instances at least a segment of the comic fan base became irate and complained endlessly.

                Obviously, I’m writing about this because I have an opinion, and here’s where I’ll tell you what it is…

                …As at least a casual comic book fan since 1992 I think this type of thing is amazing and here’s why:

                As a fan, in many of these heroes’ cases we’ve seen them in action for nearly three-quarters of a century (or more). More or less, every story arc that can be done has been. We’ve seen them beat up every manner of bad guy (or gal), we’ve seen them love and lose, we’ve seen them fight our other favorite heroes, we’ve seen them broken, lose everything, and even die, only to come back as if nothing ever happened. Why on earth would you want to have writers rehash the same story, and cover the same ground that’s been done for decades?

                As a writer (term used loosely, I am a filthy, filthy amateur) rebooting, or retooling these characters provides fertile ground to yield fresh ideas. When you think of Wolverine for instance, it’s a safe bet you know the origin, the experiences, the famous battles and moments of his fictional life. Further, I could argue, due to Wolverine’s personality, you can almost predict (based on circumstance), where the character will end up. But you don’t know X-23’s because they haven’t been written yet! You see what I’m getting at?

                As a capitalist, I can also understand why Marvel in particular can’t just say, well fans want more diversity in their heroes, so let’s create a brand new one. Names like Iron Man, Thor and Spider-Man are more than just household names; they are brands in and of themselves! It could conceivably take years to build up the popularity and name recognition of a new hero or heroine, and why risk that when from a creative perspective it lends itself to produce dynamic ideas that haven’t been done before?

                Personally, some of my favorite books are the ones that never took place in their respective universe’s continuity. Books like Old Man Logan, Marvel Zombies, Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe are all great because they break the rules of what you might expect from certain characters, settings or origin stories. In other words, I want to see something new!

                In short, to all you naysayers out there: STFU!

                Only after, the new Iron Man (Wo-man?, Girl?? Person???) is released then and only then do I give you permission to whine, piss and moan.

                Actually, no I take that back, we still don’t want to hear your ridiculous opinions, and to be clear no one cares about your childhood.